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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » is he faithful?

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Author Topic: is he faithful?
Member # 27221

Icon 5 posted      Profile for christina9     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
is it normal if the guy your dating is still adding girls on his msn that he meets in chats,sometimes meets them live and tells you about it,i know im not his girlfriend, im his best friend and the girl he's dating...he even let me listen to one of his messages, it was a girl saying (hi sexy)but i didnt bother listenning to the rest he told me that he found her stupid..but i think he still talks to her.We've only been on 6 dates since it is kind of hard since he lives 45 min by car from my house..and i dont have a car, we both have jobs and we're full time students.Should i talk to him about this?and if i do what should i say?
thanks for answering

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 139

Icon 10 posted      Profile for DarkChild717     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've been in a relationship for four years and I still add new guys to my MSN list because I simply like TALKING to them. Talking doesn't imply anything in and of itself, really.

If it concerns you, say something. Tell him your concerns, why it makes you feel that way. Go from there. It won't resolve itself without good communication.

Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17968

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Ghosty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think it's fairly normal. I mean just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean that you have to stop talking to girls.

You should tell him how you feel, but be prepared that he won't take it easily and stop talking to people.

Do you two spend time together ? Or is he running away so that he can chat with other people.
If not, then you serously have nothing to worry about, but if he is activly avoiding you in order to chat with people then perhaps something isn't right in the relationship. But judging from your post it shouldn't be a problem

Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23441

Icon 10 posted      Profile for watermongoose15     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
seems fairly normal i have a friend who has pen pals all over the world over 70 pen pals mostly girls and he talks to them all the time and his gf doesnt mind because its not like he is cheating on her. the only thing i would say is if he is paying more attention to his MSN girls that u shouldnt trust him. side note: its kinda weird his MSN friend called said hey sexy.....
Posts: 60 | From: Bonita, California, United States | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27221

Icon 10 posted      Profile for christina9     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yes i know it is weird,i mean is it normal for a friend to leave you a message saying ( hey sexy call me back as soon as you can)?but why would he let me listen to it then.I dont know if that girl has intentions.I think he likes making me jealous, he always tells me that girls are checking him out and that other hot girls like him.
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Member # 23441

Icon 10 posted      Profile for watermongoose15     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
wow, i really dont know what to say but, if i was you i would have dumped him long ago since he started doing that. I mean my gf and i will be like yah that chicks hot or that dudes hot but not in a manner to make each other jealous. You tell him that bothers you and see what he says

Good Luck ^_^

Posts: 60 | From: Bonita, California, United States | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27196

Icon 10 posted      Profile for HH_demiurge     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Christina9, what do you mean by “faithful”? If you are engaging in sexual activity with this young man, then you had better feel comfortable asking him what (or whom) if anything he’s doing when he’s not with you. Nobody wants a guy who brings home STI’s. If you’re referring to emotional fidelity, that’s something else entirely.

In my completely objective opinion, relationships between young people tend to fall apart because someone transgresses a boundary that they never knew about. Your erm… friend’s behavior is neither inherently acceptable nor inherently unacceptable. What matters is what you have told him.

If you never told him your concerns and suggested bounds on corresponding with other girls, then you can hardly hold him at fault here. The most stable couple I know attend universities thousands of kilometers distant, see each other a few days out of the month and chat on the phone incessantly the rest of the time. That being their situation, the girl is utterly unconcerned by the prospect of her hubby taking another girl to dances as a friend. Similarly, the guy doesn’t feel threatened in the least by her male friends with whom she goes to events without him.

I’m not holding them up as a good, stable couple because of their particular arrangement; it’s not the details of the relationship that matter. What is of paramount importance is negotiating and living an explicit mutual contract that works for both of you. Mutual meaning that freedoms extended to party must also be extended to the other, and explicit meaning that the rules have been mentioned and are not merely “understood.”

If you don’t want your guy to IM other girls intensively, then you would certainly be within reason to mention this to him. You could then negotiate and agree upon a rule, reflective of the trust in your relationship, that neither party (i.e. you or he) may IM members of the opposite sex in potentially provocative ways. Only after such a rule were in place and he continued to violate it should you worry about his faithfulness.

The flower that smiles to-day tommorow dies. All we wish to stay tempts then flies.

-Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Member # 27370

Icon 4 posted      Profile for hoonstar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Maybe you should be honest with him on what he thinks about you and the other girls that he met on MSN. Obviously, people generally have different faces on online and call any guy "hey sexy"...

I don't think it would bother him to ask him some questions reguarding your relationship with him... well .. still dating but still... ask him... and if he isn't serious then he is definately not your type

Posts: 4 | From: Fresh Meadows, NY, USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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