I'm a junior in High School, and I've been dating the same girl for almost 21 months...We're extremely happy together and we're planning on eventually (few years after high school/college) getting married. Once in a while, she gets worried, because statistics say that very few high school sweethearts stay together...and if they do, their divorce rate is extremely high! I know that I want to be with her for the rest of my life and that I would/will do anything for her! How can I help her to feel more secure, that we'll be together forever?
Posts: 7 | From: Fallon, Nevada, USA | Registered: Jan 2006
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My only advice is this: don't rush her sweetie. I'm not saying you are, or that you are going to, so please don't take it the wrong way. A lot of high school sweethearts ended up being married for many years, and others don't. It seems like you guys really do love eachother and you want to marry eachother, but think of it this way: marriage is a big commitment, and I understand why she's insecure. I'm 19 and married to my high school sweetheart. Things aren't going great, but they're getting better. My point is that when you guys are ready for marriage, you will know sweetie. Give it time, don't rush it, live each day to the fullest, and if marriage is meant for you two, then it will happen. Hope I helped
------------------ Yesterday is history Tomorrow is mystery Today is a gift
(Ashley, I'm really sorry to use this thread and the other for this -- and Bill, sorry to be disruptive -- but a spouse or partner beating you repeatedly and hanging your dogs from the garage to beat them is far more than "not going great." ALL of the staff here have been greatly worried about you, especially since the last time you posted actively was asking for help with this when in fear for your life, and then we did not hear from you at all until now, when you're posting as if none of that occurred or was any big deal. Last we heard, you had very serious worries for your safety, a legal system that was purportedly making things even more dangerous for you, etc.
I'm not about to tell you not to post about other things here, but it worries me a lot that you are, that you continue to downplay this, especially given your partner now has a history of years of escalating abuse, which you have posted here from the get-go, and ignored productive advice about how to get out of that when we've given it. In case it is not already very painfully obvious, this will NOT stop with your partner. he had counseling you felt -- despite advice and statistical evidence to the contrary -- would fix things, and then the abuse only got worse. Point is, we're glad to see you here and know you are okay, but it is a very grave concern that all your energy right now is not going towards securing your own safety and getting OUT of your abusive situation.)
Here is my view on the subject of marriage and high school sweet hearts. I have been dating my current boyfriend of three years since I was in grade 11 in high school. He was my high school sweet heart (he had already graduated when we started dating though). We currently live together, we are not engaged or married.
I think that the same way that intercourse should not be considered the "ultimate goal" of sex, neither should marriage be considered the "ultimate goal" of a relationship. Of course, marriage may become a very real goal for you in the future and that is wonderful. Remember that there are lots of people who never choose to get married. There are also lots of people who choose to get married and then decide to end their marriage. Now I'm not saying that marriage shouldn't be taken seriously or that you shouldn't want to get married or something like that but...well...let me explain what I think marriage is. (not that you have to agree with me)
Marriage for me is not the "ultimate commitment", it is not a promise, it is not a guarantee of any sort. Maybe this stems from having a mother who is currently on husband # 4 and the fact that I have had 2 step-fathers. My mom thinks that I need to have a ring in order to feel "safe" in my relationship. To make sure that he won't leave me. I don't think that a ring makes any difference. How can people still believe that a wedding, a ring and a new title makes your bond unbreakable in a world with more divorces than ever? The bond comes from the two of you. A wedding does not create a solid bond...a wedding is a celebration of a bond that already exists. And even that bond can be broken.
I guess I sometimes come across as cynical when I talk about weddings. I definitely DON'T mean that you will break up or even that there is a chance that you will break up. I just don't think that all this emphasis should be placed on making sure you don't break up. What is going to happen will happen. I definitely plan on being with my current beau for the rest of my life. I hope that never changes, although I am not so naive to think that I am immune to things like growing apart or falling out of love.
I enjoy every moment that I get to spend with my boyfriend. I wish that I could spend every waking moment of every day with him. I plan on continuing to spend as much time with him as possible for as long as I can. We want to be married someday, it is not a priority of any sort, but we want it to happen.
The only advice I can give is: Don't worry about the possibility of breaking up because that's what it is and always will be...a possibility...enjoy what you have, every moment of every day. Love each other. That's it, that's all.
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