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Author Topic: bi/straight...whatever
NobodySaidItWasEasy
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Member # 24765

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I know no-one can say they are completely of one sexual persuasion...so please don't do me for generalising...let's just say that in the past I have always had heterosexual relationships and I still do feel very attracted to guys.

the problem is that recently I have developed a huuuge crush...call it love even...on a girl. Yes I've had feelings for girls in the past, I've done stuff with other girls in the past but that was mainly just a stunt...but this is real. The girl I like now is openly bisexual, although she currently has a boyfriend, but I they have reached an understanding about an open relationship.

Anyway. This girl is far too cool for me and stuff - she parties all the time, smokes and never does any work at all (I am top of my year in college) but she flirts with me outrageously!! She is always hugging and kissing me and she does that thing where she leaves her hand on my waist for a few moments longer than necessary. Just...lots of little things. And recently she stood on a streetcorner with me for an hour, just chatting and dancing and hugging.... aaaargh. Honestly, if she were a guy I wouldn've moved in for a kiss within the first 5 minutes of a situation like that. In fact there have been a billion times where I would've moved in for a kiss.

I can't tell if she has feelings for me or if she is just humouring me. I mean, she knoooows I have a crush on her because I literally become giggly and blush every time I see her. But is she just exploiting me? she knows I am practially bi and we are really good friends, but she does have a boyfriend and.... I guess I just wanted someone to read my little story. Thanks.

Oh, and she flirts with me at college all the time but at the weekend we've never gone out anywhere together. She does live quite far away, but I've got a party coming up and I'm hoping she'll be there cos that would make my night. Oh dear, it's almost an obsession - in the mornings I think what nice clothes I could wear to please her, I wonder if my breasts look OK, I wander round in her department in the hope that we'll bump into each other. I even tried smoking cos then maybe we can go on cigarette breaks together..... help me!

Ok, I feel like I've given this girl a bad press, saying she does no work and smokes etc. May I just say she has NEVER forced me to smoke, in fact she is always really considerate around me, the smoking is my problem. And the constant partying.... I must add that this girl is one of the most genuinely nice people I know. Really and truly kind and funny. So that's why I don't think she would be messing with me - maybe she really likes me?! She tells me I'm pretty and that she loves me just the way I am... She just confuses me because a) she is a girl and b) she is a particularly emo kid kind of girl, not my type at all....

P.S. for those of you who have been following my story, I am so OVER the other guy I was in love with. He has just completely messed me around and ruined my birthday but still thinks he is god's gift from heaven!

[This message has been edited by NobodySaidItWasEasy (edited 01-23-2006).]


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PinkPenguin06
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Member # 26887

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Well, I can't really tell, not knowing this girl but it sounds like she may just be flirting and not meaning anything more, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't necessarily go along with stuff if you wanted to. I just think you two see eachother differently and she may be looking for more of a fun thing (being in a relationship - albeit an open relationship) whereas you are looking for a more serious thing. That's not to say she couldn't change her mind if she got to know you better... who knows? The way it seems now though is that she's just looking for some fun...
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Ecofem
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Hey NobodySaidItWasEasy,

I know exactly where you're coming from! PinkPenguin06 is right on the dot, but I'll add some of my personal experience.

It's hard: You generally find yourself more attracted to guys, and a great girl comes along who you find yourself enamoured by... except she's taken, not that it doesn't keep you from hoping. Which gets painful and slightly embarassing.

She is in a relationship; it may be/become an open relationship, but would you really be comfortable with that? They certainly can work, but it seems in your position that it might be ok at first but then you'd get upset, finding yourself wanting more.

Thing with same-sex crushes that I've realized over time is that, wow, if I thought finding guys who I was truly into who had mutual feelings was difficult, it's even harder finding women that way! Plus, the attraction being a new or rarer thing, it seems like a much bigger deal to have not work out than a heterosexual crush.

But this scenario clearly seems that it would just lead to disappointment on your part. Enjoy the crush while it's fun, but try to realize that something actually happening probably would be painful for you. Not to mention that, as appealing as she may be, it seems that she sort of enjoys exploiting your crush as you say she's fully aware of it. So, when it starts hurting, try to maybe distance yourself a bit for now.

Thank you for your post: I'm actually experiencing a version of this myself right now (I'm done with college and all that, you'd think that I would learn to avoid my mistakes. ) and your story helped me put my own situation in perspective.

And just to add, thing is with attraction... you or I can talk our ears off about what our "type" is, etc. etc. But then we meet someone, male or female, who is that type and we don't find ourselves clicking. Whereas we might meet someone we'd never think we'd be into only to find ourselves really attracted and interested in the person. (As you described here. Attraction is such a crazy, random thing!)

Over time, you will meet more women (and men) who are really "wow" to you, and fun dates or even a good relationship will result. And it's certainly worth waiting for someone good who's reciprocially available then to see yourself get hurt.

Good luck!


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