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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Crummy Distance Relationship...Advice Wanted

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Author Topic: Crummy Distance Relationship...Advice Wanted
Member # 27110

Icon 5 posted      Profile for Yargh     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Both my boyfriend and I go to the same university. We're both Freshmen. I can't say I "love" him, but I am very attracted to him and feel comfortable in his presence. He treats me decently, and we communicate well.
Last semester his grades were so terrible that he must skip this semester, and reapply for Fall 2006. But he can't decide if he wants to. Right now he works a well-paying job, but is 3 hours away from the university, 2 from my home.
I just want someone to be blunt, and tell me their honest opinion: Is it worth it at all to remain together? Anything anyone can tell me, especially based off their own experience?
He's so upset over this, but feels he's just not the college type. He does have great work ethic though.
But, I am at university for another 3.5 years.
Any input is welcomed. Thank you.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20056

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I don't think anyone other than yourself could be in a position to judge just how worthwhile this relationship is going to be for you. Distance can be an issue and it seems like you might have the beginnings of something good with this person as things currently stand. It's great to find that kind of thing, but it was founded on certain circumstances (physical proximity, similar paths in life). Those circumstances are now changing and perhaps your relationship as it stands has not formed tightly enough at this point to adapt. The best advice I can give you is to discuss things with him, come to an agreement about certain realities of your relationship and maybe give it an exploratory trial run if you think you're up for it. You're not that close from the sound of things, but you like each other and that might be worth exploring. Recognize that people grow, sometimes apart, and now that your experiences are going to be vastly different, there is probably a greater likelihood of that happening. If either of you find later on that the physical separation is too much for you or you feel like you just don't know each other anymore or aren't interested in the person the other is becoming, if you even meet somebody else who really interests you, be up front and honest with each other. At least you will have tried and not given up on what could turn out to be a really good thing just because of some distance. The telephone and internet are great ways to stay connected. It's not like we have to wait six weeks for a letter by boat nowadays.

I'm in a long-term, long-distance relationship myself. I see my fiance about twice a year. It's been this way for nearly two years now and might continue for up to a decade, depending on how things work out. We're very email and IM dependent when it comes to communication. We know we might grow apart, given the length of time and the incredible distance (completely different countries, five hour plane trips one way) but we agree that we think it's worth the effort. If we fail, at least it's not from lack of effort. However, we had already spent about three years as a couple in college before he graduated and left, so we had a more solid foundation than you currently have. Frankly, I'm quite happy to walk around by myself on my end because I've found the one I want and I'm perfectly comfortable waiting till we can be together again (and in an ooey-gooey moment, he just confessed the same not an hour ago on the phone).

I think it's really up to how much committment you feel like putting into the relationship right now. Staying connected does take effort, but it can work. If you're comfortable making that effort, even with the understanding that it might all come to nothing, then go for it.

[This message has been edited by Djynnjah (edited 01-20-2006).]

Posts: 65 | From: Caribbean | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27110

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Thank you, I'll keep your words in mind.
This is the first time I've been in a relationship that I actually want. We've discussed our options, and are still trying to sort our own personal options a well as relationship options.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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