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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » longterm relationship. different nationalities. PLEASE HELP!!!

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Author Topic: longterm relationship. different nationalities. PLEASE HELP!!!
perpetualbliss
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Member # 27051

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Hi I figured that I could get some advice from you guys. My situation is heartbreaking. My boyfriend and I have been together 3+ years and we love and care about each other very much. We are both 20 (he is an only child). I am Vietnamese and he is Albanian. I never thought that us being together would be an obstacle because no one has really said anything against it. My family doesnt disapprove. His family never really made any negative remarks but I guess the past couple of months his mother has been telling him that he cant be with me and that he shouldnt disappoint her. I guess she doesnt want it to get serious but it already has! She said that he can never "bring an Asian into this house." I guess his father yells at him too. I dont know what to do/say anymore and it breaks my heart. I cant imagine ending it like that because what if there is a chance for change? I dont want to look back and regret what could have been? His family is basically giving him an ultimatum of them or me. I know his family is important but isnt his happiness too? I understand his family gave him life but it's his life. He is his own person. I wish his parents could see how happy I make him and how much we care for each other. I never thought that our skin color could get between us like this because everything looked so positive and good for us. It seems that his family will eventually succeed in pushing us apart. I am so torn inside. I feel so empty.

[This message has been edited by perpetualbliss (edited 01-17-2006).]


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Ghosty
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I can completely understand you, allthough I'm not in the situation as you are.

I don't know why so MANY people do this, but especially people that come from one country to another, no matter culture and no matter what they cared about before, they start wanting their children to be together with "someone of their kind".

I've seen this in every possible culture.

I think that those people that do that, in general miss their "old" times, where everyone could understand everyone, and relate to eachother. I can see my mother and father have much more fun on their own language rather than with someone that speaks other.

My family does socialize with "native people " around here, but not at the same time, because it always ends up with one group separated from the other because of the language.

I really don't know how to help you, but I can say that if he loves you, and is allowed to see you, and you two being together, you should start spending more time with his parents aswell. If you dare enough, bring the topic up, ( discuss it first with your boyfriend). Often people just want one thing without any specific reason, more than they think an "albanian girl" will suit him better.

Baisicly it's a risk vs reward thing here, with not much risk, cause you see where you re heading with this.

I would suggest that you try to talk about it eventually. Beacuse these social habits, usually are based on "fear" and on prejudice.

Let me assure you I have friends that are in much worse situation, when it comes to this.


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perpetualbliss
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i appreciate your response. i just wanted other people's input on this. thanks.
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Gumdrop Girl
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perp., i see you're new. interracial dating is a hot topic and we've covered it at length in this forum. check out our FAQ entries.

Interracial Relationships http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/000836.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/001251.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/002082.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/002361.html http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum3/HTML/004405.html

as for personal experience, i've been there done that. can't say my parents objected to my white (now-ex)boyfriend because he was white. but the incompatibility issue came from having two radically different sets of values and ambitions -- such problems have nothing to do with race. but that doesn't mean we weren't aware of the issues that come with the territory.

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perpetualbliss
Neophyte
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yeah i read those because i saw the links in that post about interracial dating. thanks. i'll just have to see where it goes. he knows im distraught and depressed by the situation but im happy that im still with him. she hasnt completely barred me from him. he makes me happy despite everything. it's just so difficult because she doesnt dislike me because of who i am rather my skin color. *sigh.

[This message has been edited by perpetualbliss (edited 01-17-2006).]


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