Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I can't stop thinking about her past

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: I can't stop thinking about her past
jamesh
Neophyte
Member # 27023

Icon 9 posted      Profile for jamesh     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know this is probabily my problem but I am 21 and my girlfriend is 20. I have had 1 sexual partner before her and i was only with her for 3 or 4 months.
My Girlfriend on the other hand (who i love) has had 50 or 60 sexuall partners, most of which are one night stands.
She was honist enough to tell me this when we started going out but i sometime wish she had not.
I know that i should appriciate her honisty and put it behind us but i just can't stop thinking about her partners.
She has had a threesom, anal sex and all them boyfriends and i have only slept with just one person... She has said to me that she did not enjoy any of the sex she has had in the past and she said she only did it because she was in a horrible relationship where her boyfriend beat her and this left her with no respect. she said that she only slept with them thinking it would boost her self respect but acually did the opposite.
everytime she talks about her past i think of the fact she has sex at 13 and she had sooooo many partners.
WHAT CAN I DO TO JUST FORGET IT AND LET US MOVE ON!!
I really love her but just can't stop these horrible picture i get in my mind.

Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
Activist
Member # 1386

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Bobolink         Edit/Delete Post 
Remember that it is difficult to find partners of your age that do not have a sexual "past". I got used to it. Perhaps you can too. However, if you find it impossible to deal with the facts of your girfriend's prior sexual experiences, you may wish to consider terminating the relationship now rather to have it decline into doubt which will only mean a more difficult break up in the future.

------------------
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo


Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jamesh
Neophyte
Member # 27023

Icon 8 posted      Profile for jamesh     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know your right, but i do love her and hope that i can overcome this, i just need to work out how.
When i talk to her she just says that she was constantly drunk and did stupid things to make herself feel better/loved. She was in a relationship a few years back where she was beaten every day.
She said that she has never enjoyed sex until now and can't remember any previous parners (which i find hard to believe).
I need to try and get these thoughts out of my head but i just don't know how. ANY IDEAS! i'd just like to say thanks for everything in advance, you've been such a great help.

Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ghosty
Activist
Member # 17968

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Ghosty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by jamesh:
She said that she has never enjoyed sex until now and can't remember any previous parners (which i find hard to believe).
great help.

Honestly, why can't you decide wether to believe it or not ?
Do you have any reason to mistrust her ? If she is honest and not hiding anything why would she lie about the things ?

Also think about it, does it matter if she enjoyed it or not ? Isn't it more important if she is enjoying it now rather than comparing how much she enjoyed it in the past. What's the point comparing it ?

You have to let it go by simply telling yourself that you had nothing to do with it nor did she even knew that you existed before, so it's not your problem.

So frankly you'll have to live with it, and accept it, because it's her past and you can't change the past.

[This message has been edited by Ghosty (edited 01-16-2006).]


Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jamesh
Neophyte
Member # 27023

Icon 10 posted      Profile for jamesh     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Your right, thanks for everything, you've been such a great help. thanks again
Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DreamsDespersing
Neophyte
Member # 25488

Icon 10 posted      Profile for DreamsDespersing     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Alos, try sitting in her shoes, if you had infact had sex many times in the past, and you found someone who you absolutly adoered and loved, would you want them to hold it agianst you that you had long since lost your virginity?

You would want someone to be able to overlook that, and understand that you love them, and no one else. that your mind is for them and no one else, that past relationships don't matter at all..


Posts: 36 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sexyheffa
Activist
Member # 22649

Icon 10 posted      Profile for sexyheffa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Im lucky in the way that me and my bf broke our virginity together, but there was a misunderstanding at one point where we both thought each other had done alot (not sex) but at that stage it put pressure on both of us thinking that we were comparing one another, luckily it was simply a misunderstanding but for ages i felt like i was crap and that he was comparing me, if your really worried talk to her again! it is a common thing that people sleep with loads of people due to insecurities! so she does probably mean she didnt enjoy them!
Posts: 41 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3