My best friend confronted me about my scars and cuts on my arm one day, and told me how horrible it was to self mutilate and that she couldn't beleive i do that "bulls*it". She made me feel really stupid about it, and made me feel inadequit, so, i stopped for a while (eventually i did start again, in a new place).
A while later, we were haning out, and, she said she had something she had to tell me and i had to promise not to tell anyone else (this alone made me think the next words that came out of her mouth were going to be a lie, because, she lies a lot, and she always says that when she is about to lie).
She told me she had started cutting herself, which annoyed me, since she gave me so much trouble about me. She told me that she tried it on her wrist, but it hurt too much, so she changed to her shoulder. I asked to see it, and she said she didn't feel like rolling up her sleeve.
At our school, being depressed is more of a status symbol, so, cutting is very popular (i know it's sick and wrong (i see it as embarassing, and wear concealer on my arm whenever i wear a short sleeved shirt)), so i was doubtful she cut at all. When she told me i couldn't see it, it only made it less beleivable. She told me she just started a day or so ago (this all was a few months ago).
Anyway, i let it go, and didn't pay it much attention (because at our school all people use it for much of the time is attention). However, recently, she again said, "I have something to tell you, and you have to promise not to tell anyone." i agreed, and she told me, that the real time she started cutting was before she ever even found out i was a cutter. this really annoyed me, because that would mean she either lied to me about how long she had been doing it before, or now.
She gave me an example of when she had cut herself previously, and it was during the summer, i could see all of her arms and legs that day, and she had no fresh cuts. I am almost possitive she is lying, and it pis*ses me off that she lies about something so serisous. (this also makes me wonder if her little sister really stabbed a knife through her shoulder (and she didn't even go to the hospital?!), if her dad is really abusive, if she really was raped, if she really has these diseases i have that she says she has... (now it all seems that she is jealous of all the pain i have gone through, and says she has just so she can "feel good" about herself (like i said above, pain = power here at school (agh)))
I have already discovered mutilation doesn't help, and have stopped, i don't need aid in that boat (although i do cave eventually, i always regret it later).
really sorry about the length here, but, how do i make her tell me the truth and keep her as a friend?
[This message has been edited by DreamsDespersing (edited 01-14-2006).]
quote:Originally posted by DreamsDespersing: but, how do i make her tell me the truth and keep her as a friend?]
Question is: Do you really even want her as a friend? Someone who disrespects you, who (presumably) lies to you, etc.? I certainly wouldn't want it. And, honestly, from looking at your previous posts, it seems your friends in general aren't being as kind and supportive as they should be. (i.e. Not willing to give you a ride, etc.)
What about potential new friends? I know it's easier said than done on the outside than on the inside but really... What do you say to this? Do you feel your other friends support you? You've realized that cutting is not a good solution; you're trying to approach issues from a more mature stance. Are they? My group in high school was pretty high Drama, so I know what's it's like: There are limits as it can be pretty exhausting, especially when you are trying to live more healthily.
She i the friend that i have had for the longest time, which, is only almost one year.
i tend to make and loose friends fast, i don't know why, either they move away, or we just stop talking. She is also the only female friend i have, most girls tend to not like me, so, when i do get a chick friend, i tend to hang on to her. She understands me more than anyone else too, my only problem with her, is the lies.
If i could find a way to approach her about such a fragile topic i think it would clear up faster. I do think some of the things she tells me are true (aka, i think she did get raped, but, the rapist didn't come to her window everynight afterwards (even when i was there, although, i was not allowed to look out the window (she could)). Or, her father does/has hit her before, but, never stabbed a pencil in her head dot dot dot).
Her parents has banned her from seeing/talking to me, but, we still talk everyday, and, i see her a few times a month. I would really love to keep her as a friend, because, she is the best friend i have.
[This message has been edited by DreamsDespersing (edited 01-16-2006).]
It has not been a long time; it has been just over 24hrs. Please remember that we are volunteers here ... We do not get paid for our time, and have other lives outside of Scarleteen.
As for your problem ... I personally would be very careful with approaching her about an issue like this. If she really DOES self injure, and has said as much, it's really hard hearing that a friend doesn't believe you.
At the same time, i would have a hard time keeping a friend like this. I wouldn't necessarily want to SAY that i don't believe them, but i would take what they do say with a 'grain of salt' (in other words, i would remember that they have lied before, and that this too may be a lie).
No one here can tell you what to do ... We don't know either of you, and we have no way of knowing whether she is telling the truth or what will happen if you approach her about this.
You are doing yourself no favors by keeping friends who are not only self-destructive, but also help you erpetuate oyur own problems.
i gotta wonder what's wrong with your local environment that your peers WANT stuff to be wrong with them. Are you all affluent and craving attention from you parents? Do your peers need drama? Do you need to live a soap-opera life? I'm asking semi-rhetorical questions here. You know deep down what the answers are.
really, you post here about your ex who has a terrible drug problem. you're depressed, but because that's the "in" thing at your school you don't seem to want to be cured of it. your friend takes up a self-destructive hobby so that she can relate to YOU.
Where is the good in any of these things? What are you doing that is constructive to your health, your happiness, and/or your community? I think you and your friends need a real, positive outlet. That could be art. That could be community service. That could be religion. Anything. Just recognize that your current course will destroy you if you don't do something GOOD for yourself and for the rest of the world.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.