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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » climax confusion

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Author Topic: climax confusion
Member # 26957

Icon 5 posted      Profile for cocoa_kitty     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
my boyfriend and i have a very serious relationship. we love each other very much and plan on getting married after college.
anyway, when we first became sexually active, he had no problem achieving orgasms during any type of activity. but now he rarely ejaculates while we're together.
he thinks it may be due to the fact that he doesn't "see me" in the sort of way that makes him ejaculate as easily anymore...that his love for me overpowers everything else when we're together, and i guess that distracts him.
he says that he is pleased now more than he ever has been, despite that he doesn't achieve orgasms as frequently. this bothers ME, however, because i feel disappointed in myself and my performance sometimes because i feel like it indirectly is partially my fault...i know that sounds really crazy and pathetic, but that's how i feel sometimes.
he says not to worry and that i am better than perfect for him, but i don't know. he says he would go to a doctor to see if there's a medical explanation for it, but i don't want him to worry. we both make each other incredibly happy with or without the orgasms, but i'm just confused.
...any advice? thanks!

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22137

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me and my boyfriend had this problem. it used to annoy me a lot and at one time even thought he was cheating on me.

We found that the longer we left it between sleeping together the more likely he was to ejaculate. not so long that we never had sex, but every two or three weeks usually did it. It might not work for you, but that's how we managed to deal with it in the end.

Posts: 228 | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17968

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"however, because i feel disappointed in myself and my performance sometimes because i feel like it indirectly is partially my fault"

Honestly nothing of it is your fault. I really wouldn't call anything "fault".

That he doesn't achieve orgasms can have million other reasons. But perhaps you've started to worry about it more ? Instead of relaxing ?

Perhaps he is under a lot of stress both when having sex and also in life ?

Why not starting to focus about having a good time like you used to, instead of orgasm, that might help.

Really it's unlikely that there is anything wrong att all, probably it's all pressure and stress. However I'm not an expert so I won't say it for sure 100%.

But at least that sounds reasonable.

Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26733

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Ah my boyfriend and I have had the same problem. We both are so in love with each other and expect to get married after college also. Except we never really talked about the problem. And it wasn't just him that had the problem I noticed that it was me also, although most girls have trouble having orgasms to begin with. So I tried different things without discussing them with my boyfriend first, as little experiments. I found that like guiltyangel210 said time interval helps. Leaving acouple days or weeks inbetween sleeping together helps. I noticed a big difference with him by doing this, and it helped me too. Another thing I tried was mixing things up a bit for him, because after a while I found things got old. I suprised him with differnt outfits (lingerie), and I also tried different positions. I found that he likes it when I take control and do my thing and it helps when I tell him what I want in a seductive tone. So it helps to leave time inbetween and it helps to do new things while incorporating a wild side of you that maybe he never saw before. If you want to try new things and ways to be more seductive but are having trouble like I did I found it helpful to search on the web and go to differnt sites that are in a sense "naughty" to help give me some ideas. I hope this helps you.

Posts: 12 | From: Reading, PA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26957

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thanks, guys! it's really cool that advice comes this quickly and helpfully. we do see each other practically everyday, so maybe a longer time separated would help. now that i think about it, it has worked in the past.
well, i'll keep those things in mind. hope all your lives and exciting! thanks again.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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