Hi, TI83Plus. First of all, I’m sorry that you’ve had some relationships not work out in the past.
There were just two things I read in your post that raised a “red flag” for me and I’ll tell you what they are:
>So I gave her another chance which she
>wanted more anything and told her shes goimg
>to really have to work to gain my trust
When your trust is betrayed, it can take some time before you can feel trust with your partner again. It is fair to tell her that it will take time. It is normal to feel hurt.
But please remember that she does not "really have to work.” She doesn’t “owe” you or the relationship anything. You must have an equal partnership if this is going to work, and she can’t be the “bad guy” or the one on “probation” or the one who has to “make it up”. That is not healthy.
That said, you don’t have to pretend this didn’t happen or that you aren’t hurt. You just have to take is slowly, spend time together, and rediscover each other. After awhile, you can see whether the trust is there.
>Is it wrong that Im so nice to her? Hang out
>with her everytime she wants to? I always
>make room for her. Or should I make her work
>for it a little?
Okay, you have given us two scenarios here and neither one is healthy. You are asking us whether you should:
1) Play games with your girlfriend where you cater to her every whim, even when you don’t want to.
2) Play games with your girlfriend where you pretend you don’t want to talk to her or see her, even if you really do. (“playing hard to get”)
Either way, you are playing games! This is never sustainable for long periods of time, because you will make yourself (and her) miserable and confused. Playing games is never the way to “get” or “keep” a girl. Have an honest, equal relationship.
This means you must be honest with yourself and her about what you want. When you want to talk to her or spend time with her, do. When you need some alone time, tell her that. Hopefully, she will do the same for you, and then you guys can compromise. This is the nicest, most relaxing, thing you can do for each other. And it’ll make you so much happier! Because you won’t have to pretend or put up an act. Wouldn’t that be nice?
As for your last paragraph, I understand. I get totally panicked when my boyfriend doesn’t call me as much as I’d like him to, either. It’s no fun if it feels like all give and no take. I don’t have the fix-it for that one: you’re on your own. But it might be comforting to know that this is a very common problem. Someone always wants to get more calls than their partner wants to make.
Okay, that was my, um, 7 cents. (too long a post for 2)
[This message has been edited by Michelle Ravel (edited 01-11-2006).]