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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Mom..meet my boyfriend..

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Author Topic: Mom..meet my boyfriend..
nina_brown04
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I'll try to make this long story as short as possible. I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 months which is byfar my longest relationship. I am deeply in love with this guy. He is my first love and my first serious relationship. (i'm 19 he turned 22 in August). The problem is that i'm nervous about him meeting my mother. I had no problem with him meeting my father because my father had the type of attitude that as long as he treats me right and i'm happy then he is happy for me. He has also met my older brother and they are cool with each other. My mother is a different story. She is a very judgemental person and she is VERY hard to talk to. She never has shown any interest in my relationships and she frowns her face up when i talk about him. She always complains about him never coming to the house but when i ask her if he can come or join us when we go shopping she always frowns her face up. She always says that its wrong for me to run to his house all the time but i'm scared for him to come to mine because of her attitude about the whole thing. For example, i asked her today if he could come over 2morrow to meet her and she said NO! Quote: "I'm going to be tired when i get off of work and i won't feel like meeting him" I replied that it doesn't take much energy to say Hi How are U Eric. Nice to finally meet you. Its a lose/lose situation. I really want him to get in good with my family because we have a lot of future plans for our relationship. How can i approach my mother about this? How can i get her to understand where i'm coming from? What can i say to her? All i want her to say is that she is happy for me and she refuses. Sorry so long hope i'm not confusing anyone. I left somethings out but i wanted to paint the picture. Thanks in advance.
Posts: 217 | From: Virginia | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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She may just not be ready to meet this guy yet.

Have you mentioned to her that she's not being very clear in her needs/wants? On one hand she complains that he's never over at your house and she's never met him, but then whenever you ask if he can come over, the answer is no. Ask for clarification. If she really is interested in meeting him, why can he not come over?

Tell her that all you really want is for her to be happy for you ... Ask what it will take for that to happen. Tell her how it makes you feel when she plays games like these.

Really though, if you and Eric are serious and will be together for a long time, there is no need to rush this; there will be plenty of time to meet him later, when she's ready.


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nina_brown04
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thanks for the advice. I really want to sit down and have a heart to heart with her about this whole situation and how i feel. i just get scared when i begin to open my mouth. I want her and the rest of my family to recognize me as an adult. I'm a responsible woman and sometimes i feel like they still see a little girl when they interact with me. I want to be able to talk with my mother as an adult and her look at me as one instead of her looking at me as if i don't know what i want for myself or disregard my feelings as a "fling". That really offends me when my family disregards how i feel about my boyfriend and brush it off. It all sounds so perfect when i'm typing it on here but i just can't get it to come out of my mouth right. My mom keeps telling me that she only wants the best for me but she doesn't realize that *I* want the best for me too and right now Eric is what is best for me. But maybe ur right...maybe she just isn't ready to meet him. I just want to scream sometimes though because she is a brick wall and we bump heads alot. But i'm going to try to sit her down and tell her how I feel. Woman to woman. Sorry if im rambling but i'm just glad i'm able to vent without being ridiculed. I really appreciate this site..it has kept me sane for a long time. Thanks a bunch!!
Posts: 217 | From: Virginia | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Perhaps you could write out what you want to say to her ahead of time, and take it w/ you when you decide to talk to her ... Kinda like cue cards If that doesn't work, you could write her a letter. You'll be able to edit it and make sure you get in everything that needs to be said, and her reaction to any of it won't have any bearing on whether or not you finish everything you wanted to say.

As for the 'treating you as an adult' thing ... That comes with time. To parents, we (i say we b/c i'm only 2 years older than you; i'm still a 'kid' too ) are still children. They have so much more knowledge and experience with life, and a lot of the time they DO know what's best. At the same time, we need to be allowed to make our own mistakes (NOT that your BF is a mistake ...), or we never learn. Do you know if theres something specific she doesn't like about Eric, or only that you've been with him for a short time?


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nina_brown04
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Letter huh...thats a good idea!! But no, theres really nothing she doesn't like about him because i really can't talk about him to her because she is so negative so i don't bother her about him. The only thing she complains about is how i always go to his house and he never comes to mine. When me and him first got together she would say that it was too soon for us to be so serious and things like that but she really hasn't said much about that yet and i really haven't told her how deeply i feel for him either so maybe i'll put that in the letter. Maybe remind her of when she was "young, dumb and in love" And yeah thats true that they do know whats best but i'm at the point where i want to live my own life and make my mistakes and learn just like u said. But they just want to shelter me from it but i want to experience things on my own ya know? But thats their job and i'm greatful for them. I'm the middle child and the only girl so i get it the worst! But i'm going to try the letter thing and see if that helps our situation. Thanks for the good advice!
Posts: 217 | From: Virginia | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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