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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I overreacting or is this serious?

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Author Topic: Am I overreacting or is this serious?
Member # 24617

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Well I've always had a bit of a jealousy problem with my boyfriend. A lot of girls have crushes on him and he's dated a lot of them. I've been with him for almost 7 months, the longest relationship both of us have ever been in. We love each other. But the problem is his good friend Amanda has recently become a little too close I guess you could say. Just today he told me she asked him if he would go underwear shopping with her so she could surprise her boyfriend. She's been dating her boyfriend for a very long time and is open about their sexual relationship. Her boyfriend is out of town and she said my boyfriend is the closest thing to her boyfriend. I know they are really good friends but some times I think that's crossing the line. I want to just let it go, but I know that she's friends with my ex best friend, who also was INSANE over my boyfriend. She has always tried to get me angry to break up with my boyfriend or him with me. I just wonder if I should be as worried about this as I am since Amanda has a boyfriend and all. Is she crossing the line or am I freaking out?
Posts: 25 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1207

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It's hard to say, without knowing more about this situation and your relationship with your boyfriend.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Have you told him that him going underwear shopping with Amanda makes you uncomfortable? This is the very first thing you need to do.

Has your boyfriend ever given you a reason tbe jealous? If not, why are you? If so, are you two doing anything to work through this?

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17968

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Really don't know if that's crossing the line or not, but you should discuss it with your boyfriend.

I wouldn't worry about the "underwear shopping" I would worry more about that she says "he is the closest after my boyfriend".
I would ask her what she means and what she expects from such an relationship.
But if you do, be prepared to listen.

When it comes to the other girl that "want's" your boyfriend. Honestly, if you re reacting to it, you should start ignoring it instead. I'm afraid that instead of taking out it on her, you will take it out on your boyfriend.

My girlfriend had the same issue with me and a friend of mine that became a bit jelous at my gf, because she was my "gf". The other girl sat near me, was flirting with me, and doing stuff in general that my gf found offensive. The more my gf reacted the more the other girl kept prsuing the thing.
There was never a "sexual" thing. It was more like talking more, hanging out and competing for my attention.

I never had a gf before nor did I ever had any reason to suspect my friend for such behaviour, I could hardly believe my girlfriend, and I could only believe her less because she was mad at me and wanting me to cut the friendship.

Eventually I understood and talked to my friend, and told her that what she did was immature and not very wise. She apologised to me, and to my gf.
But my gf has choosen not to forgive her.

Still we meet and my gf has to learn either to live with it, or let it go.
That's simply because I know where I stand. No matter what other girls might have in mind.
And that's the most important thing.
If you trust your boyfriend, then trust him, but don't "protect" him from other girls.

But be sure to tell him how you feel and what you feel is okay and what not. However do not expect that he will agree with you. You'll simply have to comprimise if it's a big problem for you.

Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24617

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thank you so much for your responses. I agree, I can't protect my boyfriend from other girls and I completely trust him... it's just the other girls I can't. I still underwear shopping is a bit strange for just friends to do together and also that she considers him her closest thing to her bf. Once again, thanks for the replies, they helped me think of other options.
Posts: 25 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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