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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Problem With BF Mother

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Author Topic: Problem With BF Mother
michelle0914
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Member # 26397

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My bf and i have been with each other for 2 months and it's been ok,until yesterday. He called me and was like my mama is tripping. And i said about what, and he told me that she wants us 2 break up she doesent want him to be with me. SO i was like what, and i said y and he just said she dosent like me. But me and his mother havent even met, she dosent know me and i dont know her. So i told him that his mom dosent even know me and he told her and she was like yeah whatever. And i Just said whatever back. 2 me that is so stupid, a grown women trying to argue with a 14 year old and break 2 14 year old kids up. I guess she still wants him 2 be with his ex girl because she liked his ex girl friend. Then he told me he would call me back after telling me all of this. O yeah he also said that she might try 2 break us up. And the problem is that im afraid she might because it's like he is going to have 2 choose between his mom and me. Because she's going 2 be saying and doing stuff and when i do it back he's going 2 be mad because thats his mom and it's going 2 be like im trying 2 come between them. It's just so much stuff and i know i neeed to shake it off but i cant. I just feel like she's trying 2 say thats im not good enough to be with her son. And i just have so many feelings right now like im mad and feel pain and cant stop thinking about it. I dont know what 2 do because she's coming between me and him and it's working. And in the end we might lose each other becuase of her.

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Dat_Gurl_09


Posts: 12 | From: dallas TX U.S | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LoSt4NoW
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This is crazy because I am having almost the exact same problem except that I have met my boyfriends mom and she isnt technically trying to break us up. Me and him have been dealing with her for the past month or so. I have personally never did anything wrong to her and she says that she likes me but her actions say differently. Like my boyfriend has to be in a lot earlier than when we started dating, me and him have restrictions when we go to his house, etc, so we mostly stay at my house. But none of that gets between us. It sounds like his mom needs to get a life. As long as he wants to be with you and no one else take one step at a time. Maybe start with dating behind her back. That or see exactly why she does not like you, or if you did something that might effect her perspective. Think back to when she first started being like this and go from there. Try to work things out. I wouldnt want to loose my boyfriend because of his mother. Talk with your boyfriend. Good Luck.
Posts: 35 | From: Decatur,IL,USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, often situations like this can be avaoided when one goes ahead and meets the fam early in the game.

It seems to me that this whoele situation may be a lot less dramatic than everyone is making it. Why not go ahead and have your boyfriend arrange a lunch of afternoon visit so you can actually meet his mother?

And just FYI? Per what is "stupid," for "grown women" to do? She's more than a grown woman: she's a parent. It's often hard for even the coolest of parents to deal when their kids start dating. Time goes by really fast when you get older, so while for someone 14 it's felt like it has taken FORVEVER to get there? For a lot of parents, time went by a lot faster, and it can seem like they had an infant, blinked, and then had a teenager. It often takes them a good deal of time to adjust.

Relationships, especially romantic/sexual ones, do carry risks. Heck, in another post today, we've got a 14-year-old whose 13-year-old girlfriend is now pregnant. That isn't to say that's your situation, but parents worry about this stuff because they know it happens often enough, even to "good" kids.

So, it's always sage to cut a parent some slack, to keep your knickers from getting into a twist in regard to them, especially before anyone has even met. Rather than leaping to conclusions, or esclating a situation like this further, your better bet is to look to diffuse it by meeting her, by being calm, by being respectful.

(And dating behnd her back? REALLY bad advice: you get caught, then things will only get way worse. It's not in any way respectful, destroys the possibility of deveoping any trust and makes it clearly appear to a parent that you're not mature enough to handle a relationship like a reasonable person. Way to backfire.)


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
michelle0914
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Member # 26397

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ok i understand that but she has a problem with me for no reason. She had no problem with his ex. His ex use to come over there house and everything. But i still think it's stupid becuase she was even go put me on 3 way with his ex and another girl that likes him. He told me this all hiself. He told me before she had a chance to do it. He siad she was go do that so we can argue and talk about him. Thats childish very childish. Thats nothing a parent should do.
And u said dont leap into conclusions , i havent did that. But she has, she has leaped onto a conclusion about me and we dont know each other. She judged me before she even knew me. I NEVER JUDGED HER , NOT ONCE.
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Dat_Gurl_09

[This message has been edited by michelle0914 (edited 12-21-2005).]


Posts: 12 | From: dallas TX U.S | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Again, I'd just be wary when things are reported second hand, and who the heck knows what the whole situation is now or was then with the last partner: you can only know what your boyfriend tells you and what his perspective on all this is. I'd also give her the benefit of the doubt. And I'd be careful about getting in your head how parents should behave or feel if you haven't been one.

Look at it this way: no mater what, you win by taking the high road. Meet her and treat her with respect and compassion no matter what you think right now, and even IF she does happen to be yucky to you, you still come out aces.

She's his mother and you two are young: you're in no position to thwart her, as she gets to make the rules. If you come at this with an attitude, if you come at it confrontationally, things have no chance of improving at all.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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