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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Upsetting Problem

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Author Topic: Upsetting Problem
grapejuice
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For nearly a month I've been upset and quite bothered about a sexual dream I had about a close relative of mine. Although the thought of any type of sexual relationship with this person digusts me and really weirds me out, I was turned on in my dream, and even thinking about it afterwards really turned me on. Ever since then I've felt sad, confused, crazy, sick,immoral, guilty, and sometimes even uncomfortable around the said person. I was orginally concerned that this dream was an indication that I was some kind of screwed up pervert, and felt really awful about it and have thought about it a lot (not the dream itself, about thinking I was crazy or sick). But this has made me feel even worse and know I feel like I'll never forget about it and move past it. I still feel really bad about this entire situation, even though I've since realized and accepted the fact that sometimes you can't help who you fantasize about, and that maybe my dream didn't mean all that much if I hadn't dwelled on it like I did.

I'm sorry this post is on the long side; I guess I'm just wondering if it's possible that I could be a healthy/good person even if I dreamt/thought this way? Is it possible that I could have normal sexual/romantic relationships in the future? I would just really like to move past this, because it feels like it's kind of eating me up inside.

Another thing is that I would like to go to therapy. This whole thing has been really upsetting and hard on me, but I'm embarassed and ashamed. Once again I'm sorry this post is so long or if it's not in the wrong forum...thank you so much for listening/reading though.


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Ghosty
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Hey, take a deep breath and just relax

I really doubt that there is anything wrong with you. And I also do not think that you'll have problems in the future.

There is nothing to be ashamed of, what you dreamt is common among people. It is also common among many to fantisize about other relatives when it comes to masturbation.
Also, women that have been raped, have also sometimes found it to "turn them on", people even fantisize about being raped.

Honestly you shouldn't take this so hard, you re normal, (Wondering what normal really is ).

If you feel that you really want to talk to someone about it, of course you should.

BTW, My girlfriend sometimes dreams that I chase her and beat her up lol, and she lives herself into her dream so when she wakes up she is all scared. Allthough I've never ever come anything near to slap her or anything like that. She can't control her dreams, and you can't control your.

Another thing, what you get "turned on" is also something out of your control, however what you do control is your impulse to do things or not.
So it is okay to fantisize about anything that you want or "not want". It's what you do that counts.

So relax


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grapejuice
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Thanks for your reply Ghosty. I feel like a fairly "normal" person in most ways (however you define "normal"), but it's good to hear somebody else's view on on this since I haven't discussed it with anyone. I feel a little more relaxed now.

One thing that I have been worried that it would make my relationship with this person weird since I am close to them. I still feel that way.


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Ghosty
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In what way would it make the relationship weird ?

I can understand that you connect the person with the dream, however the other person doesn't know anything about your dream.

You really need to tell yourself that it was only a dream and that your relative is a relative

You need to allow yourself to feel that it's okay. First then it won't feel diffrent anymore. Honestly, you didn't do anything with the person. It was your brain that created the scenario only

Honestly it is okay to dream.


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Deunan Knute
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Having a dream like that doesn't make you perverted or sick in any way. I had a dream about having sex with my dad once, but that doesn't mean I'd ever do something so disgusting in real life. Your brain does strange things when you dream. Maybe you subconciously wanted to be emotionally closer to that person and your brain used sexual activity to represent closeness? Or maybe you were merely just thinking of that person earlier and thinking of sexual activity earlier and your brain put two and two together... Who knows?


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grapejuice
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What you guys have written makes a lot of sense. Part of me knew a lot of what you are saying, but I initially freaked out out after I dreamt this and just kept on worrying about it; I have a tendency to do that. As I said it's something I didn't really feel comfortable discussing with anyone I really know, but reading your responses has made me feel a lot better and have been reassuring. Thanks again.
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poppybluefrogs
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i've found that recently i've been having more and more sexual dreams and they are about the oddest people. For instance there are two guys i know that i am not physically or even mentally attracted too in anyway and yet i've had sexual dreams about them recently. its normal. don't worry.
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