Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » teen love?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: teen love?
boogle-buddie
Neophyte
Member # 26589

Icon 1 posted      Profile for boogle-buddie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok

I was always the sceptic when it came to teen love. whenever any of my friends said "i love you" to their gf i would always say "it's not love" and would actualy argue with them about it. But then i met my gf. I actualy think i might be in love, and im not talking about puppy love or a fling, im talking about willing to die for her, doing anything just to be able to see her love. but im still not sure if i actualy belive in teen love, or if this is just hormones? but if was hormones wouldnt sex be abig part of things, because sex doesnt matter to me at all. im not saying it wouldnt be fun to, but it doesnt make a difference to me.


so what im asking is this.
Do you think actual teen love (not puppy love or a fling) is real, or do you think its all hormones? and if it is real should i tell her EXACTLY how i feel or just tell her i love her and leave it at that?

please give honest opinions
Thank You


Posts: 31 | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, no matter our age, our perspectives on love, how we experience it, what we calssify as love is pretty much always changing, because we're always growing.

Life experience often changes a lot of the way that people see and experience love, but a lack of that experience, or less experience doesn't mean feelings of love aren't real, or are lesser: just that in time, they may be different. And since all the people we'll love in life also differ, we're always going to love each person we love a bit differently than the next, anyway.

Being willing to die for someone, being willing to do ANYTHING for someone, for real, is actually not about love. If that's earnest, that falls more under obsession, more under unhealthy behaviours. We should never NEED to do ANYTHING to have love returned.

First love is intense as all get-out. It feels HUGE. Hey, it is huge! It's very heady, it's very dramatic, and fed into that are also all of the things we're told in fiction and media love should feel like, so that usually escalates it further. But really, while love differs between people and relationships, the love we feel for our closest friend and the love we feel for a romantic partner aren't all that different, if that helps give you any perspective.

So, keep it real. We don't live in 14th century Eurpoe, so you don't need to die for your love to save her country or what have you. We can pick up the phone to hear the love of our partner right in their voice pretty easily. This is life, not a novel by the Bronte sisters.

Keeping it real by no means means you can't enjoy these big feelings or, again, that they aren't ral. You feel them, so while what you call them may change over time, how you view them may change with experience, of course they're still real.

"I love you," tends to say a lot all by itself. So does, "I'm in love with you," or even "I really love being with you." "I would die for you!" or "There is nothing I won't do for you to love me!" tends to be at best, inflated and dramatic, and at least, a little creepy.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
boogle-buddie
Neophyte
Member # 26589

Icon 1 posted      Profile for boogle-buddie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thank you. i think i made up mymind about tenn love.

haha and even if i did tell her how i feel i would deff. leave that part out im not even sure if i would die for her? there isnt a person out there who can honestly say they'd die for someone, because its alot easier said than done.

I dont think im obsessed? i consider obsessed to be like stalker? when i said "i would die for her" i actualy ment, in my own weird way , was "she is extreamily important to me is a big part of my life". i dont think thats obsessed tho? its not like everything i do revolves around her. and not that long agio she said that im the only thing keeping her sane and if it wasnt for me she;d prob. have killed herself by now. and that didnt creep me out at all! rhat could have been the best feeling ever!

but i've rambeled enough so i gotta ask a question. "I love you" is used pretty commonly around here and is pretty meaningless, but "I'm in love with you" is the real deal. we've only been going out for about 4 monthes (we were best friends for a long time before that tho) so do you think i should wait a while longer before i tell her im in love?

thank you so much
P.S this site really helps

[This message has been edited by boogle-buddie (edited 12-18-2005).]


Posts: 31 | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, thus part of my point about not saying things you don't mean out of drama.

If you truly WERE what kept someone from suicide, I can guarantee you wouldn't like it. It's a terrible situation to be in for healthy people. Her saying that was likely the equivalent of how much you meant itw when you said you'd die for her. Here's hoping, anyway: a serious suicidal or depressive isn't cured by love or a relationship with someone else. They need much more help than that, and far more objective aid.

I can't tell you what to say or when to say it, save to tell you to just be sincere and sane.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
boogle-buddie
Neophyte
Member # 26589

Icon 1 posted      Profile for boogle-buddie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
she used to be in a very bad situation and it was very hard on her, she had alot to deal with and she didnt say "your love kept me from suicide" she said it was the things i did, and i could have done those things without us being together. i convinced her to get help and im always there for her. her and her mom hadnt actualy talked in years even tho they lived in the same house, and i helped her get the courage to talk to her mom and sort out the problems. and there is more stuff that im not gonna get into, but she is ok now and when she said "if it wasnt for you, i'd have killed myself by now" it was like her thanking me.

i guess i should have explained that before?


Posts: 31 | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3