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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » The outside view is clearer then when your close up...

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Author Topic: The outside view is clearer then when your close up...
platinumbbabi
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Hi everyone. Im not sure whether or not this post is in the right area but if its not be my guest and move it to the right place.

Well um a few days ago...i got really upset at myself i was mad at myself for havin feelings of jealousy that i thought were gone.

My boyfriend and i have always kinda had an up and down relationship but we prevail the bad in the end. Our last ''down'' was because of jealousy in our relationship and lack of trust. We both always talk about our problems and have found that we both want to change those factors in the relationship that prevent us from bein happy.

Now u can pretty much say we both have had our versions of bad past experiences. I was molested as a child and he was physically and verbally abused as child (and sometimes it still happens) were both pretty messed up. And i noe that sometimes the way we act now has to do with our pasts.

Me and my dad have never had a good trusting relationship because he left when i was 1yr old. All i really heard from my mom was how much he broke her heart and all i can remember are the times he's broken mine. It always makes me cry when i talk about it and i don't noe why.

Now for my bf and his parents they are still together but they don't speak to him they don't hug him or tell him they love him, they pretty much ignore him and buy him watever he wants to make up for not being there.

Well my problem is that my bf told me he was goin over to his friends house to see her baby after school and he asked me if i would mind. I appreciated that he considered my thoughts. But i never met this friend of his before and they only started speaking while me and him were broken up. I told him to go dispite my doubts because i felt extremely guilty for havin doubts. I felt soo horrible that all these feelings of self hatred just built inside and i started cutting myself and punching myself and pullin my hair out. I felt i deserved it for bein weak and not bein able to control my jealousy.

I told him wat i had done and he had gotten really mad at me and told me if i ever did something to hurt myself again he'd never talk to me. That really hurt me cuz i felt guilty enough on my own for doin it. And that night he came over and he apologized for his temper and sed he just didnt want me to do that anymore cuz its unhealthy and he cares for me. He also sed whenever i get the urge to cut that i should call him and talk about wats bothering me instead and he'd always listen.

I just don't know what to do with these trust issues and jealousy. And i especially don't know how to control the feelings of self hatred everytime im presented with the jealousy.

Any thoughts or comments would surely help. Im sorry this is so long.


Posts: 50 | From: Brooklyn, New York, U.S. | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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(As this is not an emergency, moving it to the Relationships forum.)
Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Have either of you had any counseling?

If not, I'd suggest you look into that: sounds like it could be a big help to you.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
platinumbbabi
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Ive had some counseling in the past and found that it wasn't very helpful for me but despite that i made an appointment for later this week to see a new therapist whom i hope will be of some more assistance to me. My boyfriend on the other hand refuses to see anyone. He insists that he is ''fine'' and ''doesn't need to see no psychiatrist'', sounds like a male ego to me. Any suggestions?
Posts: 50 | From: Brooklyn, New York, U.S. | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, he's going to be the best judge of his needs. You didn't post a whole lot about how his particuar issues come into play so from this post, most of what I see is that you're in crisis, and that I'd certainly suggest counseling for you.

Especially since your pratner both isn't a counselor, and it tends to degrade relationships to try and utilize a partner as one.

I'd start with yourself: after all, you get to be in charge of you. I think it's great you're seeking out a new therapist: hopefully this one will be a good fit for you. If so, you can certainly talk to him or her about this stuff and she what their advice is per the relationship issues and such.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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