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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » breaking up

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Author Topic: breaking up
wubbaa
Neophyte
Member # 25662

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Today was my 18th birthday. My boyfriend was over at midnight last night and we both fell asleep watching tv. I was feeling sick so when I woke up from my short nap I told him to leave before I fell back asleep. He got mad because I woke him up, said "F you, you only think about yourself!" and that was the last straw for me. It hurt that he would say that to me on my birthday, especially since he didn't plan anything special for me. So I told him to leave and that I was breaking up with him, and then later today gave him a letter so that he would know all the reasons why i was leaving him and he wouldnt have a chance to convince me not to leave him.

anyway, im just afraid that he is going to suddenly get really sweet and make me think he is going to change, or cry and make me feel guilty. and the thing is that i dont really have any friends so i have no support and im afraid he will manipulate me and make me get back with him. what do i do??????


Posts: 19 | From: houston, tx, 77429 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Babe, this guy can't make you stay with him.

But you can sure choose not to go and do what you know is better for yurself.

Everything you have ever posted about this guy has made clear that...and pardon my being so blunt ... this guy is ALWAYS a class A creep. This is just one more way in which he's been one.

He's not going to change. He may act differently for a day or so, maybe even a couple weeks if you got real lucky, but come on.

This isn't about him, doll, it's about you and your own backbone. if you have doubts, maybe you just need to ask yourself how low your self-respect and self-worth is that you'd even consider settling for someone like this, even for a single day.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wubbaa
Neophyte
Member # 25662

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you are right. i shouldn't have to settle for a guy who calls me names and controls me and makes me feel bad about myself. but right now i just feel so numb, im afraid that i will be stupid and get back with him. i guess this is just the biggest test of my own self respect and dignity, and ive never had to deal with a relationship like this.
I always thought there are two types of guys. the guys who are jerks and the guys who you love. i never thought that they could be one in the same but i guess i know now that it's just not that black and white.

[This message has been edited by wubbaa (edited 12-11-2005).]


Posts: 19 | From: houston, tx, 77429 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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...well, and/or you may discover as you get older and get more experience that how you define love -- and when you're really feeling love, not, say, the relief of not being alone, as a for-instance.

You get to choose to be stupid or not. Look at it this way: you're ateacher now. When you go to work tomorrow, take a good long look at all the faces of all the little girls in your class. Think about if you'd want any of them to put up with this sort of crap in their lives later when they could freely choose not to.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mikesinner
Neophyte
Member # 26575

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He sounds like a jerk. You are probably better off without him

------------------
Lonely? Had Your Heart Broken? Want to Talk About it and Meet New People?


Posts: 5 | From: evansville in u.s.a | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wubbaa
Neophyte
Member # 25662

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im having a lot of problems with this break up. every time i see him we try to talk but then he cries and tells me that he deserves to be alone and he treated me awfully and that im better off without him and i look at him and i just want so badly to hold him and make his tears go away. i feel like such a fool and i dont know what to do. i want him to feel better and not be sad but im the reason why he is hurting so badly and i cry every time i think about that. overall it is just a terribly sad time for me and im not taking this the way i thought i would. im so confused.
Posts: 19 | From: houston, tx, 77429 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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The Abusive Partner Checklist
Read ths following and if you check two or more on this list, you are in a relationship that is not safe for you.
Checklist
[] My partner is very jealous, gets jealous easily
[] My partner follows me around, checks up on me a lot
[] My partner tries to control how I dress or who I spend time with (friends, family, coworkers)
[] My partner yells, calls me names, puts me down
[] I hide things that I think would upset or anger my partner (phone numbers, letters, photos)
[] I am afraid to say no to sex
[] My partner threatens me, or has threatened me
[]My partner hits, throws or breaks things when angry
[] I am fraid to disagree with my partner
[] My partner has pushed, slapped, punched or otherwise hurt me
[]I feel like my partner's anger is my fault

And some links to check out if you think this applies to you and you need more help:
Break the Cycle - Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence http://www.break-the-cycle.org/
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence http://www.webmerchant.com/ncadv


It does not sound like your relationship was healthy. I know you can't turn your feelings on and off like a faucet but it's important to understand that you are not responsible for the way he feels. He may feel bad about the way he treated you but by no means does that imply that he won't treat you poorly again if given the chance.

I think it will be best for both of you if you take a break from each other for a few weeks. No visits, no phone calls, no email, etc. That will make it all the easier for you to stand by your decision.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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