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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I screwed up the relationship

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Author Topic: I screwed up the relationship
Member # 8636

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so my... well, ex-boyfriend i guess and I have been together for 2 years, basically. We took a 4 month break last year when he was in college 3000 miles away and it got to be hard to handle, but we got back together this summer, then we broke up the begining of this year when we were both in college 5 hours away from eachother. A month later i went to visit him and we decided to get back together, but this decision was not handled very well and he ended up hurting a girl who was his best friend at college and who he had kind of started to date. Now things are weird between them and its very hard for him to accept that.
so we were together for a month and then he read my email (i gave him the password because i needed something) and found an email revealing something i had done in the month that we had been broken up earlier.
Basically I slept with a guy who i had kind of been dating. My boyfriend has a huge problem with this because i always told him it would take me a really long time to share something as intimate as sex with someone other than him after we broke up. he also knew that it was really out of character for me because he knows that i dont like sex (or any sexual act) that doesn't involve real emotions. ALSO, I lied to him after two years of telling each other EVERYTHING.
he says that all i can do now is give him time to get his own respect for himself and me back and for me to show him that I can respect myself again and to gain back his trust.. but that doesn't seem very active. does anybody know anything I can do? I mean i can't really go see him for the next two weeks but winter break is after that and we'll both be home. has anyone ever been in this situation? what did you do? Thank you!

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17968

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Well my opinion is that, in this situation, the whole issue depends on what you two agreed before you took the "break".

Obviously he started dating someone else, and you did so too, during that time.
Then again you got back together ? and then broke up again for a month ?
If I understood it right ?

If that's the case then really what you do when you have broken up is your personal responsibility, I don't feel it is right that your boyfriend feels hurt because you met someone else in that period. (We all know how it is in the movies).

When it comes to the part where you lied, well that's wrong to do, either tell the truth or don't tell anything at all.

He says that he needs time to get his own respect for you and himself back , and I believe that you should give him that time.

However, I strongly disagree with this one: "and for me to show him that I can respect myself again and to gain back his trust"

It is up to YOU to decide wether you have done something that you disagree with or not respecting/disrespecting yourself. It is up to you to decide if you did anything that goes against your values, or belief, and not your (boyfriend)

If you should go and see him for the next two weeks, is something that you and him should talk about together, it is neither right or wrong, appropriate and not, many people feel diffrent about wether they should see eachother or not.

Other than that, don't give away passwords too easy
Wish you good luck

[This message has been edited by Ghosty (edited 11-29-2005).]

Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8636

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ok well the visiting thing isnt an issue because I physcally can't see him until winter break. and I know that what I did wasn't smart for me, its not him telling me its wrong. He was just upset because he knew that I wouldn't have normally done that and it WAS against my morals, thats why he lost respect for me and why i lost respect for myself. i still don't know what to do besides give him time. any ideas?
Posts: 273 | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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