I can't handle it when someone doesn't like me or is otherwise mean to me. I don't understand it. And it bothers me to no end. I've been trying so hard to overcome these feelings, but it can take me weeks to look the other way from a circumstance that hurts me.
I think my biggest problem is that I feel like this doesn't happen to anyone else. I try really hard to never be mean to anyone, yet I get it coming my way. And I don't see other people getting treated this way. And no one else seems to dwell on social problems like I do. This is what gets me depressed. And I've been trying so hard to fight it, but it's so hard.
I always feel like I'm doing something HORRIBLY wrong if someone doesn't want to get close with me or says something nasty to me even if they don't know me. I blame myself. When I got to this point, I used to cut myself but I haven't for five months. I still get the urge in these precise situations, but resist because I DO NOT want to travel down a path of self-hatred.
I really do love myself- It took some time for me to realize how great I really am, but now I see. I have made improvements- I speak up more nowadays, I stand up for myself, and I'm much better at conflict resolution.
But when those old situations get dug up.... Man. My emotions go straight to the pits. I immediately feel so poorly about myself that I literally start to shake (physically).
I wish I could overcome this!!
I hate it because some situation will come up to make me feel awful, and I'll dwell on it so much..... And then I'll see my friends or something and feel awesome to be so loved and to be with such wonderful people and I'll wonder why the heck I have to worry about everything so much because I really have no need to.
I haven't met anyone else who dwells on things as much as I do. It hurts, it really does. I can't remember being this way when I was a little, little girl, but I probably was. I know I've at least had this problem for the past 4 years. I used to worry a lot when I was little, but I think the feelings were mostly around my home situation because my mom abused me.
If anyone can share with me some useful/ suppportive advice, stories, coping methods, etc. I would REALLY appreciate it!!!!
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"