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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Issues with sex

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Author Topic: Issues with sex
luvinhp89
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Member # 21227

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My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time two weeks ago. We had discussed doing it again the past 2 weeks. When Saturday came we started to have sex and we ran into a problem.

It hurt worse than the first time. I guess I wasn't as aroused. I told my boyfriend to stop and then everything fell apart from there. He got angry and ripped off the condom and threw it on the ground. He went off on me and said "You'd been saying how excited you were about this and now you have to go and stop."

This really hurt my feelings. I understand that he is a sexual person and that he was disappointed, but I'm really upset that he didn't even take my feelings into consideration. I ended up crying and then he started crying and telling me how sorry he was that he ever said that. I asked him if all he wanted was sex and he started sobbing and telling me how much he loved me and that he didn't mean what he said.

I forgave him but I'm not ready to forget. His best friend and my best friend both took his side saying that everything was my fault. Does anyone else feel that he was inconsiderate?


Posts: 95 | From: Virginia | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ghosty
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Member # 17968

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If what you just said happened that way, it was VERY rude, selfish, immature and stupid of your boyfriend to do.

It is never your fault that it hurts, nor will it ever be.
You aren't a machine that has a green and red button, and when someone pushes the green one you re ready to go.

You said that your boyfriend said he was sorry and that he didn't "mean" to say such stuff.
You should tell him, never ever to say that again to you.

When it comes to your friends and his friends, first of all it's not their buissnes to take side, nor should you try to make them take side, you shouldn't even care about who made the "fault" or who thinks what, it is what you feel that matters.

I don't know how you said stop to your boyfriend, and if you did explain anything further, but try to reason with him, and communicate with him in a better way, if he still is the "same", then I really doubt that it is a good idea to have sex with him at all. (Hope you understand what I mean here, It's a big diffrence saying stop and trowing him away, or saying that it hurts and that you don't want to do this)

My conclusion is, that your boyfriend was very inconsiderate, and immature.However there is no point in being ms right, or mr wrong or whatever, so try to focus on making things better

If your boyfriend can't accept you as who you are and how you feel, then really, sex won't be great because it takes a lot of patience, commitment, and ->communication<-



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DarkChild717
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Member # 139

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Ghosty gave you some very good, sound advice. Like all things in life, communication is key.

I'm going to link you to some articles that you and your boyfriend should read together, because sex shouldn't hurt at all, period. It's supposed to be pleasurable.

First Intercourse 101
Orgasm and Sexual Response

Sex really shouldn't happen without full consent of both partners. For him to accuse you so negatively for you feeling pain is inconsiderate.

And truly, if his sexual needs were more important than your mental wellbeing, than he has a hand and can do it himself. No one should be made to feel guilty for saying no.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
luvinhp89
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Thanks you guys so much for your advice. I realize that was he said was inconsiderate and I talked to him about it. We agreed to hold out on sex until we both know that we're ready.

And thanks for the articles, they really helped.

[This message has been edited by luvinhp89 (edited 11-21-2005).]


Posts: 95 | From: Virginia | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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And if your girlfriends are saying you're in the wrong for halting the action during sex when it wasn't pleasurable for you, they either:
a) don't feel able to empower themselves in the same way themselves, which they should be, or
b) they don't understand that NO ONE is obligated to provide sexual services to a aprtner at the expense of their comfort, and/or
c) they haven't experienced sexual discomfort to have half a clue what they're talking about, and are just speaking to the sexist status quo.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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