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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » my friend is going to be a father?!

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Author Topic: my friend is going to be a father?!
papou_fruit
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Just recently, a really good friend of mine has just broke up with his girl friend he's had for a couple of years. They've been having a weird on-off relationship... they're total opposites in ways that amaze me.
He broke up with her because she was getting too demanding and dominant all the time... and she said she wanted to be with him forever, and he didn't want to plan on that because they're only 17.
But they broke up several times before, and he's always come to me really depressed because she "guilts" him back into the relationship because he's just a too nice of a guy, then she says stuff... like "baby, i love you more than anything, i really need you and i was just an idiot." those kinds of things, and then her dominant angry cycle would come back again. She's like, a "preppy" girl with religious backgrounds and well, he's just the opposite.
Apparently a month ago just before their final break up, they slept together with protection... and now when he comes to me all smiles saying to me that he broke up with her, I honestly couldn't be happier.

The next day she found out she was pregnant.

Apparently she's taken the pregnancy stick test, AND have seen the doctor, and both were confirmed... although miscarriages tend to run in her family as well. Her parents are super excited and 100% supportive.
He says his parents will basically kick him out of the house.
He's only 17, he can't handle a child yet. He has college to look forward to, more parties, more fun. She's pro-life, but won't even give it up for adoption because she's so excited "to be a mom." and she's only 17 as well.
It's almost sad to watch teen parents grow up when atleast one is unhappy and their mooching off their parents.

I can't talk to the girlfriend, because I barely even know her. I know I can't decide because it's not my child, but the father-to-be IS my friend and I feel like I should say something more to him and supply some support.
What should I do?


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JamsessionVT
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Unfortunately, this is not your situation to deal with. I know you want to help your friend, and while that is a very kind and gernous thing, this situation is not something I would meddle in.

The best you can do is tell your friend that you will support and care about him no matter what his decision, but he needs to make one. The both of them chose to have sex, and they need to make a decision accordingly. Maybe the parents do not want his help in raising the child, if they are so supportive. But he needs to figure out whether he wants to be part of the baby's life or not, and that is something that you cannot and should not suade him in.

I know it sounds harsh. But these are the realities people face, and so must he. You should absolutely be there to offer support to him, but as for what he does, that is his choice to make.


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Heather
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...and you know, if he KNEW he couldn't handle that possibility the hard truth is that he shouldn't have had sex.

A man can't count on a woman making any one reproductive choice for what works best for him. That just isn't how it goes, and that isn't fair. The choice a man gets to make per reproduction is whether or not to put himself at risk of being a father, and it's a choice he can make without any hardship, without any cost, without any pain or suffering, so.


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papou_fruit
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::nods:: Yeah yeah...
Reality can be sometimes harsh...
I suppose the best thing indeed is to just be there for him incase he needs any support on the side. Thanks a lot you two <3

I know that if something like... the opposite, like if I was pregnant, and I wanted something like an abortion, and the father would want to keep it, the majority of the decision would be mine, right?


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Heather
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Well, really, ALL of the decision would be yours, because all of the body is yours.

You could entertain as much or as little of your partner's wishes and wants when making that choice, but the choice is still 100% yours, since you'd be the one 100% pregnant.


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papou_fruit
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Yeah, thanks for your replies
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