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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Long-distance/Online relationship

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Author Topic: Long-distance/Online relationship
Member # 26131

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For a month or two, I met this guy online and he's such a great guy. He has everything I need to be my boyfriend, and I started to love him day by day. He also feel the same for me too as time passes... And so we decided to go out.
He helped me a lot in my life, like to give me courage in certain situations, he's always there for me, when we talk to each other we're so happy...

Sadly, he lives in the US and I live in Canada.

We've been talking on looking forward to meet each other and to do so many things that we coudn't do onlin, such as hugging each other. I'm so happy! If he would come to visit me in Canada, it would be this summer I guess. By the way, he's 18, and I'm 17.

But here's one thing. Although I love him and all, I don't know if it's entirely secure to meet him. All those news that you hear about two people meeting each other in real life, and it ended up dreadful. I'm kinda afraid, but I really do love him! I hope he's not that kind of person, and I think he's not that kind of person, heh.

Should I really meet him? Or wait to see if we can really last that long online, and to get him to know more about him...?

And, does online/long-distance relationship really works? Do they last long? Because I really love him, I'm so attracted to him, I am really looking forward onto meeting him.

Thanks =)

[This message has been edited by lumiremi (edited 11-11-2005).]

Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You shouldn't meet him alone, that's for certain.

So, if you both do decide to have a visit, if you go there, get a friend to go with you. If he comes to meet you, meet him in the company of friends and family. That's just common sense and self-preservation, because sadly, you do never know.

You also may want to do yourself a big favor and not let your heart dive too deep before you meet this guy. Slow things down. When we're online, even those of us being honest are very different people than we are in regular daily life. We're generally online at our leisure, when it's convenient for us, for starters. We can be a lot more mindful about what we say online, and when and how we say it.

Also, you actually can't know if you're all that attracted to someone without being in their physical presence: chemistry tends to be more than appearance-based per photos and such. I know for myself that one of the best dates I ever had, with a woman I thought was drop-dead stunning, and she likewise about me. We got along FAMOUSLY (still do, actually - we ended up cultivating an excellent friendship). When it came time for a goodnight kiss we both discovered, to our great disappointment, that we just didn't have any physical chemistry. (We were so bummed we even tried more than once: for both of us, it was like kissing an auntie. Chemistry is just unpredictable that way.)

So again, stay a bit reserved, and try and stay realistic. Until this person is someone you really know in person, you really aren't dating them, and you just can't have a holistic and full sense of who they are and what you're like together.

Do these things work out sometimes? Yep. They have for plenty of folks. But it can go either way, so it's sage to be smart about it, stay grounded, and stay cautious.

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen
ST blog about Heather & Scarleteen
"You have to love women who are brave enough to do things so big in a world where women are supposed to be so small." - Andrea Dworkin

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9536

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Well, I had a relationship like that, starting off online like you say, with a guy from my own country. He was a friend of a friend of mine there, so I sort of knew he was not a bad person. My friend knew all about it, and she would have said something had it been a bad choice.

We met in our country, and started going out officially once we had met. But as I live in London, and he lives back there, things ended up falling appart very quickly. Why? Because he could not cope with the distance, and meeting only twice a year. That was my case, doesn't mean it will be yours too.

Like Miz Scarlet said, when you meet him, don't do it alone. Have someone with you by all means, and make sure that if you don't like the situation you can get out of there whenever you want. As much as you care for this person, think of your own security first


dive into shine, even a deep darkness changes into shine, because i am believing the moment

Posts: 114 | From: El Salvador, but living in London :) | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26217

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In reference to your question about whether or not the relationship can work out, your answer is a definite YES. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have carried on a long-distance relationship from the start because we began dating after he moved to another state. We have a great relationship and are best friends. In one respect, I think the fact that we do have a LDR is a plus, in the beginning of the relationship, that is. We were able to get to know each other so well and really form a deep connection without the physical aspects of the relationship being an issue. As a result, we've become incredibly close and share everything with each other. Good luck with everything!!
Posts: 1 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26230

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mmmm... i don't know hun

i'v e had some pretty bad experinces with it. i'm glad you have acknowlaged that it is not entirly safe to do something like that,ex.16 year old john can turn out to be 40 year old bob

Posts: 13 | From: mississauga,ontario,canada | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I met my partner online.

Now in our case, we were friends online for more than a year before we ever met in person. And then we carried on a long distance relationship for quite a while after that (we've been together something like six years now).

We were really lucky in that we did have chemistry and things worked out really well. As has already been suggested, if you do decide to meet, be smart about it. Take someone with you (whether you are traveling to meet him or he is traveling to meet you) and make sure that you meet in a public place. It might also be a smart idea to run a background check on him before you meet so that you will know who he really is (there are services that will do that for you for a small price). Also, no matter who is doing the traveling, make sure that you have a backup plan in the case that things do not mesh as expected (so have an extra hotel room booked or make sure that you have enough cash for a hotel and/or an early plane ticket home). Finally, talk about your expectations ahead of time. What is/is not ok physically with you? What are you expecting out of this? Make it clear that it is ok if you meet and have no chemistry.

Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19692

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I've got mixed feelings about meeting someone from the internet.

On one hand, I used to be part of a medieval online RPG, and a bunch of us from the east coast decided to meet up in my hometown. It was about 30 of us, so a couple of the locals (like myself) picked a spot (the food court at the mall) and we all met up, bringing friends, family, significant others, and the like. It turned out pretty well. I became friends with some of the people I thought I hated online, and it turned out that I already knew some of the people I was gaming with, which was really weird but really cool.(You never expect the preppy-looking chick in the back row of your biology class to play an all-powerful black mage online and kill you 12 times in a row! lol)

On the other hand, I've heard about too many people lying about their age, gender, location, etc online, and there are too many perverts out there for anyone to feel completely safe.

Posts: 407 | From: Georgia | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26335

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well in my case i met my guy on line. from we talked about two weeks before metting and we met in a public place which would be the smart thing to do. always let you family or friend know where you are going to be at. i have been with my guy for 9 months now. the good thing for me is that he dose not live far from me. so i see him most weekends. so good luck with the online thing.

as for the long distance thing. for me i just found out that becuase my guy is in the navy he is more than likely going to get tranffered to other state or over seas some time next year. so of course after been with him so long it crushed me. he is my first love and i love him so much. so the thought of not seeing him for so long crushed me. i broke down of course. than i told myself that i will try to make it work for long distance. i hope it works out for me and him. i just cant imgaine life with out him. so yeah, i guess long distance can work if its the right person. it has worked for some people. hope it works for me.

Posts: 3 | From: Virginia Beach, VA | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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