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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » need some advice...

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Author Topic: need some advice...
Member # 23165

Icon 1 posted      Profile for curiousconfused     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am just enquiring based on curiosity.

How can a girl be very very close to a guy? Is it that, probably because of the sexual

factor? Um, how can I explain this...

I will share my story.

There was this girl (my gf) and she is popular among guys. Wherever she goes, it is guys

she meets. This has been a bugging factor to me, and sometimes, I wonder how she can be so

close to any guy. Could it be just because of a normal friend-friend relationship, which

can be so great? There is this particular guy, A, whom which she claims to be just a

'normal friend'. However, I noticed it to be more of it. This guy would do just about

anything for her, and he seems to care for her very much. The same goes for B, another guy

I know.

She can chat for hours on end with these two (but not together). One at a time, of course.

She goes out with them one-on-one, and also go to their respective houses...

Lately, I've been wondering, why are these guys so unusually close to her, and how can she

chat for so long with them? Why do they spend so much time together? I came to one


Is it because...

She provides them sex?

Could it happen? Could it be it? If these guys were to be so close to her, so that

unusually close, it has got to be it right?

I live in Malaysia, which is country which is rather reserved, and we don't practise free

sex. But, stuff can happen right?

This gal and me, well, we do it quite often. May I ask, can this create a psychological

longing in that girl, and that girl wants more? IF that girl wants more and can't have

that guy (her bf) beside her, what happens? Will she call one of her friends? Sex happens

among normal friends also, right? Can it happen? Is it possible that the friend is having

sex with her? If she wants them for sex, they will be very, very close right?

P.S. Everytime I asked her whether or not she has done it, she says no.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sex among friends CAN happen, but i'm not convinced that that is what's happening here.

It is entirely possible that males and females can just remain close friends without having sex. I have many male friends that i go out with that i don't have sex with.

This 'psychological longing' you speak of is unlikely. If someone (anyone; male or female) can't have sex with their partner, they can either masturbate or abstain. Not being able to get sex from your partner doesn't make you more likely to need sex elsewhere.

Since you've already asked her (more than once?), i'd say you need to lay off. I know if my boyfriend kept asking me if i was having sex with other people, the relationship wouldn't last too long. You can either choose to believe what she's telling you and lay off, or you can choose not to believe her and either accept it or break up with her.

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23165

Icon 1 posted      Profile for curiousconfused     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks lil'bluesurf, but I guess all I can do now is take the benefit of the doubt right? I just have to trust her as it is, right? I guess, no matter what I do, I won't be able to force the truth out of her. Even the truth is unknown. Even if she lies, I cannot guess it. She probably is, and probably isn't.

How can I deal with this doubt and this curiosity? She lives in an apartment just next to my university, and in that apartment lives a lot of friends I know. Mostly are university students like me. Currently, it is holidays, although nearing the end already and I am away from my campus. She is staying in the apartment there and half of her housemates are not in yet till the end of this week. She has two roomates, but currently she is the only one in the room that is in the apartment.

Everyday, there is this guy, the boyfriend of the apartment owner - he will come to his girlfriend's room to do his assignment. He will be there the whole week. So that leaves the both of them alone in the apartment, although they are in different rooms. Can anything possibly happen? I know very well that this guy already has a girlfriend, and a very close one at that. But still, how do I deal with my doubt, and my curiosity? Because, then again, she can call any guy over to her room and stay the night and I would not know.

Need your pointers. Thanks.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You don't have to trust her ... But not trusting that your partner isn't cheating on you is not a very healthy foundation to build a relationship on. Are you sure you want to continue a relationship w/ someone you don't trust?

How much of this has to do with your girlfriend and how much of this has to do with you? It's obvious you don't trust this girl, but it's hard for us to tell if you don't trust her because she's untrustworthy or because you're unable to put that trust in anyone right now. Perhaps it's a bit of both. Has she done something in the past to make you think she would lie to you or cheat on you?

Personally, i think that if you have this much trouble trusting your partner, you need to end the relationship. This isn't healthy. You're going to drive yourself crazy thinking of what might be happening.

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9536

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Leni     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hmm... how to put this best?

I have a lot of guy friends, and there are two or three I can say are the most important guys in my life, and all in all, I haven't had anything to do with two of them! The other is the guy I like, but I'm not dating anyone, so it doesn't count as cheating.

As for the other two, I am very close to them. One was my best friend at school and the other one in college. You'd see me close to them, or with them all the time!

When I was dating, my ex used to get very angry/jealous when he saw me talking to a good friend of mine. He claimed I wasn't paying enough attention to him. Sure, it was a long distance relationship, but that didn't mean I was going to cheat.

Your girlfriend just probably gets along better with guys than girls, that happens! So she behaves towards them how she would behave to her girlfriends.

Don't worry too much about it. If it really bothers you much, talk to her


Posts: 114 | From: El Salvador, but living in London :) | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Might also want to think about this: by your way of thinking, a bisexual person would not be able to truly have ANY platonic friends, or ALL their friendships must somehow be based on sex.

And I assure you, that's hardly the case.

Sex and gender don't have boo to do with friendship and the ability to have friendships with people of any gender. A given set of cultural ideas about gender may create some hurdles or challenges, but sex and gender itself really do not.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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