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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Sis/bf driving me nuts!

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Author Topic: Sis/bf driving me nuts!
Member # 25983

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My sister and her boyfriend have been dating for just under a year. She is 15 and he is 17. At first it was cute, with the phone calls that last forever, the red roses snipped from the school garden, and the general euphoria of young love we know so well .

But the thing is.. it's been almost a year, and instead of getting better, it's worse. They must see each other each moment of every day, or else one of them will drop dead or something. Since the boyfriend drives a moped, he comes over to our house unannounced whenever he pleases, often imposing during dinnertime when the family has barely enough to go around. Suddenly all of my sister's interests have conformed to his, like movies, music, and even religion and political views that before she didn't approve of. She parades around showing everyone all the nice things he buys for her, and they can't even sit on the couch in the family room without acting all lovey-dovey.

Maybe this issue is with me? I've had a steady boyfriend for a bit over 1 1/2 year (I'm 18, he's slightly older). From the very beginning, we've been private, non-chatty people who are content to talk on the phone for ten minutes and leave it at that. We have not had sexual intercourse. We've never seen each other more than 3 times a week, ever. There is much love and respect between us, but between work and school I tend to get lonely, and it doesn't help seeing the young lovebirds around.

I've tried addressing the problem with my younger sister, but she gets defensive, insists that she's doing nothing wrong, and refuses to see why I get frustrated and sometimes upset. Any thoughts, opinions, or advice you guys have would be very much appreciated ^^.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20869

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Is this her first relationship? Your sister sounds a lot like one of my boyfriend's friends - she's on her first relationship, has been with the guy for about a year and a half, and she's conformed to his tastes and all that jazz. I put it down to the fact that it's her first serious relationship and that she doesn't know any better. Is it possible for you and your family to sit her down and talk? Explain to her that love doesn't mean having to parade around with gifts or conform to guys' tastes; that in fact, love means a lot more than just that. It takes a lot of respect, and not just respect to each other, but also respect to each others' families. I would suggest that perhaps your parents could enforce a rule where the boyfriend cannot come over and impose on the family during meal times, for example.

It's difficult to shake people like that, especially when they're blinded by infatuation. But I would suggest that certain rules be enforced and that the whole family should sit down and talk this out. If it can't be helped, can you talk to the boyfriend's side of the family as well? Say that it's totally unnecessary for people this young to commit so hard and fast, for example.

Hope things work out. =)

Posts: 53 | From: Melbourne, Australi | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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Thank you for your reply, chicanu! You're correct in saying that it is her first "serious" relationship, though not her first experience with dating. It could well be that it's the cause of her behavior, but on the flip side, my current boyfriend is *my* first dating experience (though I had a few online relationships when younger). But different people deal with the same situation in various ways.

I wish all too much that having my family impose rules were a possibility! They're very permissive, set almost no rules or limitations, and smoke pot and drink in their room for most of their free time. This isn't a plea for sympathy or anything, I got over this fact a long time ago ^^. I'm just saying that communication isn't something the family practices.Also, I don't know his family all too well.

Thanks all the same for your suggestions and well-wishing, I think it's time to go beat them off the couch with a broom

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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