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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I Feel Depressed

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Author Topic: I Feel Depressed
MichSM2
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Member # 13662

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This may sound trivial, but I want to speak out. I have noticed that ever since I've been back in school, people --friends, professors and even department staff in my majors -- have been very distant and antisocial around me. I am African-American, but many black students disrespect me or are afraid to say "hello" to me. I'm not 'dusty' (a term that describes a black person's life centers around only white people) either. I think it's worse now because since I am a junior, I have no close friends on-campus whom I can share my closest feelings. I ask classmates if they want to hang out, only to experience a series of rejections and "oh..."s along the way. It's petty really. My only 'true' friend in my life is my mother. I call her daily when I'm not ever busy. She understands me. Pretty pathetic huh?

I don't believe I'm suffering social anxiety disorder, but maybe a mild form of it is possible. I do well in my coursework; I generally have no problems participating in class discussion; and I even share articles of interest with my professors. I just tend to avoid very large gatherings and being the center of attention. I can be in a crowd, and no one will confront me. They will see me, and immediately walk right pass me. I feel I have nothing in common with my general peers. I dislike hip-hop and reggae music, but I do like R&B and Asian pop culture. One trait about me: I am ALWAYS anxious and worrying. I don't consider myself a perfectionist (otherwise I would have a 4.0 GPA lol), but if my life plan is not set ideally, I and others feel as if I am an ultimate failure.

I tend to be under the radar. I'm not oblivious; people know my full name and face before I even recognize them! I think people undervalue my talents. I used to have psychological counseling sessions last year when I suffered a nervous breakdown from a bad professor (I still ignore him to this day). And the past week, I totally messed up by walking into a former professor's office hours unannouced and essentially embarassed myself in front of him (I emailed him a letter of apology, and to this day, he has never emailed me back). So much for that. Do I look ugly? Do I look creepy? Do I look arrogant? I feel hated. I feel scorned. I feel socially outcast. I feel alone.

All I want to do is have a conversation and feel appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

[This message has been edited by MichSM2 (edited 10-30-2005).]


Posts: 93 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
purplepiano49
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Are there any clubs/societies that you can join? If you spend time with people that you share interests with you will find things to talk about, and over time those people could become good friends.
Posts: 26 | From: UK | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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quote:
Do I look ugly? Do I look creepy? Do I look arrogant? I feel hated.

I'm quoting that, because I'm not sure if you realize what you're saying with it. Do you see that "how I look" is something youve directly raletd to being hated? Do you see that all those questions are abaout appearance, not about behaviour/personality?

I know in your past posts here appearance has often been a big issue and driver. Almost every single one of your posts here is about appearance. Those which aren't, ofen still come back to looks. I'd suggest maybe you examine some body and self-image issues, pretty deeply. How people behave towards us tends to be about a lt of things, and often appearance is one of them, but only one. And once any given person knows more than our appearance, it tends to take a big backseat.

Do you have close friends, even one? If not, might you consider getting involved in something that DOES interest you, within or outside of your school environment, where you can interact with people in an arena where you are very engaged, very interested, and in a small enough group to be visible. I know this has been brought up before in past posts, but I don't know if you've ever pursued it.

I can say that self-validation tends to be a not-so-great basis for friendship and social bonding. Sure, no one likes to feel isolated, and company and companionship are important to feeling good about ourselves sometimes. But one other thing to look at is that if you're coming to all your interactions for validation or approval, rather than to connect with others both ways -- rather than because you've also a compelling interest in THEM -- that could be part of the issue here.


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BlueEyedDreamer
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Hey there I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. I'm in college and I have absolutely no friends. The only people I got in my life is my boyfriend and my mom. I often feel depressed about it too and when I was in high school no one wanted to be my friend because everyone though I was weird because i overdosed trying to kill myself at school and everyone found out.
Just hang in there and remember you aren't the only one. I'd be your friend if we went to the same school!!!

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Heather
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(Well, that answers my question in your past before this, BlueEyedDreamer. Hopefully, we can chat about your plans more there, because often, brand new mothers thinking having a kid may make them feel less lonely find out the hard way that being a new, young mom often isolates you even more.)
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BlueEyedDreamer
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but i dont feel depressed at all...i was in high school but im perfectly content and happy with my life right now. it doesnt bother me anymore that i dont have many friends.
Posts: 8 | From: Ohio | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MichSM2
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Miz Scarlet, do you recommend that I continue counseling sessions with CAPS (my college psych services)? What should I do to prepare myself to get back on-track?
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Heather
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If you feel it's working for you, absolutely. I'd also again suggest seeking out other social venues for yourself.

In addition, can I ask what you do where and when you DO feel good about your appearance, or what you are doing at times when you're not thinking about it at all?


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Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by MichSM2:
My only 'true' friend in my life is my mother. I call her daily when I'm not ever busy. She understands me. Pretty pathetic huh?
Having a good relationship with your mom is a good thing! But something to maybe think about: Do you think she might add to your concerns about your appearance? I'm saying this based on my own experience. My mom can be really supportive on the phone, but can also be really brutal about weight and such in person. I'm talking about little things like, "Oh, lose 5 pounds and that'll fit you perfectly!" that don't seem hurtful at first but eventually wear you down.

Maybe make set times to call your mom (like 3 days a week) and then tell her about what new stuff you did in the meantime. Like little goals such as "figure out when the campus anime club meets and send an email to the president."

Also, remember that we all have embarassing moments, so try not dwell on little accidents from the past that probably weren't half as unpleasant to the other person(s) involved as it was for you. People are pretty caught up in their own lives and the drama surrounding them, that what might seem to be an unfriendly action by someone is probably a reflection of their own worries about a test/a relationship/etc.

If people know your name by the time you get to know them, they're probably more open to getting to know you in a positive way than you think. Just remember to keep yourself open to them.

And, to second what others have already said, get involved in campus clubs and organizations. Most groups are so glad to have a new member, and a group that feels otherwise just means trying out another group. I was very involved in campus activities when I was in college, mostly because I made some of my best friends through them.

[This message has been edited by Ecofem (edited 10-31-2005).]


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Heather
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(BlueEyed, in this post and your other, understand that it is difficult to communicate with you because you either make oppsosing statments, like having no health insurance in one hour, and the next saying you do have it, or overtstate things, like saying above that "I'm in college and I have absolutely no friends. The only people I got in my life is my boyfriend and my mom," which states you have no friends, and then in the next post, saying you don't have "many friends.")
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MichSM2
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I sought counseling at my university psychological services. The psychologist is referring me to a community-based clinical psychologist because she thinks my case is severe enough.

It didn't help that one of my problems actually sat next to me for the entire lecture series. We didn't say a word to each other. How awkward and terrible.


Posts: 93 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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