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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Should I tell him?

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Author Topic: Should I tell him?
hippiedaisy
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Member # 25905

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I recently started dating the man of my dreams. He's everything I've ever wanted and needed in a guy and I am falling in love with him, fast and hard. He tells me he feels the same. In my past, I have had 4 sexual partners. 2 of them I regret very much. I didn't contract any diseases or anything, as 3 of them were virgins and the other one was clean. As my man and I grow more intimate, we are getting closer to thinking about sex. He is a virgin, and I don't know if I should tell him how many people I've been with and how I would tell him that. I really want to be open and honest with him; I love him. I just fear that he will think less of me and will want nothing to do with me. He's the best thing in my life, I don't want to lose him.
Posts: 3 | From: NE | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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It's important ot be honest in a relationship. You'd want to know, right? you don't have to give specifics. The important thing to let him know is that you've had sex before, you've been tested (you've been tested, right? if not, you better go NOW!!!). Tell him how important he is to you. but oyu have to be honest with him about having had partners. you don't have to tell him how many unless he asks. But again, let him know how special he is to you and how much you care. Then you can negotiate whther you want to have sex or not.

Again, get tested. NEVER take it on faith that someone is disease-free unless you saw the test results yourself. you can't tell who's got what just by looking. Seriously. Besides, if you're sexually active, you owe it to yourself to get tested every 6 months. not only that, you owe it to your partner and his safety to get tested.

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LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ya
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Member # 25957

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I think that your experience is one of many things that he is impressed by.
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Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by ya:
I think that your experience is one of many things that he is impressed by.

The thing is, ya, the number of sexual partners that one has had doesn't necessarily add up to the "experience," if you're defining it as sexual technique or such. For example, one person had sexual relationships with five people; however, four out of those five was unfulfilling. Another person has had only one relationship but it was a positive one. Who is more "experienced," and what does "experience" truly mean in this case?

We do bring our past experiences, positive, negative-- and just blah, into a relationship. Each new partner is something new. What really matters is the communication and chemistry between the current couple.

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domncroxd
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some people don't want to hear about their partner's sexual past. you should make sure that your partner is ready to hear you out by asking him if he would like to know anything about your sexual past first, rather than to say, 'ok, i have to tell you something'. if he says yes, then be honest, as what Gumdrop said.
Posts: 53 | From: Melbourne, Australi | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zander
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Member # 23420

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( ok raise of hands, who actualy WANTS to hear what "ya" has to say?... please "ya" say some usefull things, people need help here)

sry Hippiedaisy, ok as for your partner, sinse he is new at the sex spectrum of the relationship, it wouldent hurt to be gentil in bringing up the subject, maybe be carefull not to offend him, or scare him off (so to say), but it would probibly help to watch a sex educational T.V show and then bring the subject up then start talking about it. maybe it would help...

hope i helped.

[I'm sorry I missed this before but Zander, your comments to ya were incredibly rude. As stated in the guidelines you are to treat everyone with respect. -ook]

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 12-09-2005).]


Posts: 28 | From: Hamilton | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hippiedaisy
Neophyte
Member # 25905

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Thanks for everyone's help! I did tell him. I told him that I'd been with 4 guys and how much I regretted that. It was hard just to form the words with my mouth and get them to come out. It was hard for both of us; we cried, but we got over it and on with our relationship. We slept together about 3 weeks ago for the first time and it was the greatest experience of my life. We didn't just have sex, we connected. I feel so close to him because he knows everything and we can also share a sexual bond now. He is truly special to me. Again, thanks to everyone for the terrific advice. Y'all rock.
Posts: 3 | From: NE | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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