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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I MISS HIM

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Author Topic: I MISS HIM
babygirl88
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Member # 9745

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Peekaboo... I haven't posted any entries on any of the scarleteen boards for a while!

My dilemna is as follows.

Early last fall, I met an amazing boy that we shall call Jeremy. We attended the same school and were just one grade apart. We became close friends instantaneously, forming the ideal type of friendship: Jeremy and I could, and still to this day can, happily coexist and understand one another. We were bonded so tightly that we didn't want to risk acting on our mutual feelings for one another. Our friendship was too important to be jeopardized by a prospective fight we may have if we were dating, which could result in a break up and an altogether UGLY ending.

However, during a long phone conversation one night we discussed how we wanted to give dating a try. We knew eachother extremely well, and knew that neither of us wanted a bitter ending. We wanted to remain friends forever.

The next day, we declared ourselves "official", aka. officially dating. For 4.5 months we held a loyal, deep relationship. The boy treats me like gold, always has. I have always had every intention of treating him the same. It comes naturally, we just "click", if you would.

I broke up with him late in the wintertime early this year. I still remember why with great clarity: 1. He was oppressively clingy and would not give me a little personal space despite my asking him to and 2. He was so depressed.... If he wasn't talking with or spending time with me, he was miserable with life, and that scared me... I wanted him to be happy and secure within himself first, and for me to be someone who would enrich his life.

He took the break-up surprisingly well at face value... I understand now more than ever how much he was hurting, but he was a gent and didn't let me see it... I hate to think of how much it hurt him.

But we remained the best of friends, and both moved on to romantic relationships with other people. One trend I've seen is that despite the other's gentle prodding, when either of us are in a relationship we're apt to not talk about our new significant other with each other.

Jeremy switched schools this year and recently began dating a girl at his new school. I don't know her- All I know is she is gorgeous because I have seen pictures. AS SOON as I learnt of his new love, something crumbled inside of me. Although I remembered clearly WHY I had broken up with the kid, it didn't feel right that he should be loving someone else. And by loving I do NOT mean in the physical sense; I'm only talking about G-Rated love here.

It really bugged me.... And it hasn't stopped, except now I realize where this akward feeling is coming from: I STILL LIKE HIM.

I knew this would happen: Jeremy is still his wonderful self, only he's grown into a happier and more stable person. He has more confidence. He has retained his amazing personality and it has only grown richer.

... And I love him. I love him as a friend and admire and respect him as a person, but I can't fight these feelings, and I have no intention of doing so....

...But he loves her.

So basically, I'm stuck in a crappy position, and although it's probably my fault, I'm not blaming myself. I did what I thought was best at the time, and Lord knows it probably was. Although Jeremy and I had a sincere relationship, we were both very depressed while we were dating. Very depressed... It was horrible. I don't think we were the best support for or influence on each other at the time because a depressed friend can only do so much in convincing another person to feel good about themself.

I kind of want to tell him how I feel, because I've found that the direct approach is often the best when communicating. However, I hold myself back for two reasons: 1. He is with someone else... A gorgeous girl who is probably sweet and fun and caring and intelligent and unique. And he'd have to process through akward feelings if he knew that I like him again... and 2. It would probably also damage me in some respect to let the truth out while he's dating someone else. After all, he's dating someone else.... (helllllo)...

If anyone has any kind/helpful words to say in regards to this, especially anyone who has been in a similar situation, I would love to hear from you.

Thank you.


------------------
"It's something
unpredictable
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"


Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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The only thing i really have to say is that, as hard as it might be, i really think you're doing the right thing. You let him go ... You have no business getting involved in his current relationship.

The only thing i can suggest is busying yourself with school, extra curriculars, and friends and family.


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DreamsDespersing
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Member # 25488

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I am going through this same thing right now (only your *Jeremy, seems to care about you more, ) And i have just become more involved in school. This way, i am better off no matter what, I will go further in the long run. I agree that you could try the same thing.

Good-Luck!


Posts: 36 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mirmle
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omgsh that's so sad! I feel awful for you... and in a sense i know how you feel... I think that you should definitly tell him (but AFTER his new relationship disipates) you can't interfere now... he'd only resent you for it. But if it's meant to be after then let it happen!! However, if you only depressed eachother... maybe you should examine yoru relationships again! Good luck... I feel for you!
Posts: 12 | From: Ingersoll | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
celery
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This sounds like a really crappy situation, but I think you're making the best decision by not confessing your feelings.

For one, these feelings might just be coming up because deep down you're jealous that he has a good relationship with this girl and that it didn't work out between the two of you. I think you just need to wait it out and focus on other things to get your mind off of him, because it really isn't fair to make a move on him when he's happy with someone else right now, because that puts a big decision on his shoulders, and could possibly ruin a good friendship that you guys have.

Maybe you should think about what you really want, and WHY you want him back, and maybe that you both were ultimately meant to just be friends.


Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
babygirl88
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Thank you to everyone for your feedback!!

I have an update, and a very significant one at that:

Jeremy broke up with his girlfriend. I found this out as I was spending time with Jeremy and some other friends last night. The news hit me when one of my female friends said "Why did you break up with ***, anyways?" to Jeremy. I consoled him though he didn't outwardly show any sadness. I spoke with him and he felt his relationship with the girl was going nowhere. Jeremy and I had a very in-depth conversation... Which led to us professing our profound love to one another. It was eye opening, and heart opening. It is very evident that we both have intense feelings for one another, care about each other to no end, and want to try out a romantic relationship again. We're going to spend some time together within the next few days just to talk things over, because we have so much to discuss! I foresee us getting back together in the near future.

Uno problemo-- Although I have never met the girl nor her friends, she (<-- the girl Jeremy just broke up with) is blaming me for this breakup. While Jeremy was dating her, I was sure to not interfere- despite my jealousy, I had no right nor desire to! However, today I recieved a nasty email from a girl who I found out is her friend. Near the tail end of their relationship, Jeremy did mention to me that his girlfriend was jealous of me. This was a shock because as previously mentioned, I have never met her before. I have nothing to do with her and vice versa. Jeremy was not aware of my prevailing feelings. So I inquired as to why this would be that she feels such jealousy and my understanding is that she was jealous that Jeremy and I are so close. Lame.

I really have a HARD time dealing with mean people. I can't stand cruelty or conflict, really. Do I ignore the friends, stay uninvolved with the ex girlfriend, and quit worrying? I'm starting to think this would be the best method... Because although it bothers me, I think they are LOOKING for a reaction from me. After all, she needs compensation for her heartache. And trust me, Jeremy and I both know she is hurting. Jeremy and I are the same way-- Hurting people is the ugliest thing we have to do in our lives, in the few cases where it's necessary (such as break ups). Jeremy feels especially badly because although it's platonic, he does care for her.

Any advice as to what to do regarding Jeremy's latest ex-girlfriend and her friends?

Thanks a bunch!!

------------------
"It's something
unpredictable
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"


Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
babygirl88
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Member # 9745

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Ahh someone... Please... Reply? I am really bad at stomaching adversity! I can deal with it just fine, but it eats me up inside. Jerem'ys ex-gf is blaming me for their break-up, or so it seems. Her friend left me a nasty and cryptic email. I'm afraid of what may happen next. Yet I don't feel responsible for their pain. I have done nothing to them! Help...

------------------
"It's something
unpredictable
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"


Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Here's the thing: we can't know -- and really, you can't, either -- what exactly went down during this breakup.

What we also can know is that yes: when someone hooks up with someone else, especially another ex, RIGHT on the heels of a breakup, the person who got dumped is generally hurt and often feels humiliated, whether it's valid or not.

You want to save yourself strife? Then maybe you and jeremy should recultivate only your platonic friendship for the next few months. That's smart anyway, since catching someone on the rebound tends to be a recipe for a less-than-stellar relationship AND it enables you to tell this girl that you're sorry she's hurting, but you're not with the guy, nor is this about you.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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