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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » girl friend or girlfriend?

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Author Topic: girl friend or girlfriend?
dotta
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Member # 20900

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my recently ex boyfriend broke up with me a week before our one year because he needed to get his life on track since he has no money to pay for food his bills and etc. he's getting sued and he didnt know how much he could put into our relationship. he said that he wanted to be together when things were right. well when he told me that i decided that that i would help him out and get him into some of my jobs and stuff.

well he had started hanging out with this one girl. not a lot but a fairly good amount of times. so i obviously got pissed off and went to his house questioning him and he would not let me in or tell me who was at his house. we then decided that the situation could be brought about in a better manner and talked the next day.

when we talked he said that i was the girl who he did have thoughts of being with forever and if he wanted to date someone it would be me. he was "70%" in love with me but he doesnt remember a time when he didnt have a girlfriend and just needed a break to focus on some things in his life. tiffany (the girl) is just a friend and only that. he said that he did have a thought of "what if" about being with tiffany but immediatly put it aside.

in the end we decided to change out title from friends that are getting back together to just plain old friends with no garuntee of getting back together. we decided that we would tell eachother if anyone wanted to get serious with someone.

the thing is...i feel like he's hiding it from me. i went over his house at 10:00 am to get some food since my class was cancled and she was there already. he answered the door and had obviously been sleeping with pillow lines all over his face. i guess she came over and was "doing homework".?? Something just sounded fishy about the whole thing. It kinda feels like when we first started dating he told me that he had dumped his girlfriend at the time but really didnt. she found out and went a lil "crazy". well now i feel like the "crazy" girl finding out about tiffany. this situation is making me crazy.

[This message has been edited by dotta (edited 10-07-2005).]


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faifai
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I know why it'd bother you--he's someone you still care about and part of you [dunno how big a part] wants to see if anything happens with him again.

But you're friends with no guarantee of getting back together. Meaning, friends who can't control who likes who. I admit it seems a bit quick for him to already be with someone else. But if you're nothing more than friends, you shouldn't expect him to be anything more than that.

Perhaps he's not telling you that he wants to get involved with anyone else because he thinks you'll be hurt. I'd be, if my former love told me he was thinking about pursuing someone else. Or it may be just to get a little space. I don't think it's particularly healthy to end things romantically with someone but still remain super close. It makes it harder to let go of your former attachment.

If it was me, and I'd just broken up with someone I was seriously involved with for awhile, I'd take some alone time, and get myself back together. Then I'd think about trying my hand at being friends with my ex again.

p.s. can you put paragraph breaks in your topics? it makes it easier to read, which means you'll probably get more replies.

[This message has been edited by faifai (edited 10-07-2005).]


Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dotta
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he was a huge part of me for that year we were dating and the year previous that we were seeing eachother. and i understand that i can't control who likes him but i just want him to tell me, like a friend would.friends dont hide things from friends.

my best friend is sure he left me for this girl and doesn't even know why i bother speaking to him still. but seriously i cant give up all that we've been through and the trust we had so soon. hahah and i just found out that he got the job with me.fantastic:/

[This message has been edited by dotta (edited 10-07-2005).]


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Heather
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Well, friends often don't disclose everything to friends, and moreover, recent exes very often disclose things for various reasons, especially new relationships. Could be to prevent hurting you, could be to try and establish some privacy and distance, could be to avoid your wrath, could be because he's a jerk, who the heck knows. And it could be he isn't seeing this person, could be he is.

But from the history of this guy, I'm not sure why you'd be shocked if he wasn't being upfront or standup. he started out lying to you, why would he finish differently? Frankly, I'd suggest you do just let go here, unless you feel like you can be friends and be a lot more cavalier about things like any other relationships he may engage in. And it's be valid if you didn't feel you could just yet, given the recent breakup. That's one reason why it's often wise to take a good deal of time away from an ex first -- for both of you -- before trying to have a strong friendship or still see them all the time.


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dotta
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why did he take the job with me though? we met at work at our previous job. i dont think he understands how much it hurts me to see him and think all this about him. and now i work with him again. that sucks. i dont want to get him fired bc. it obvioulsy results on me since i recommended him while we were dating.i really didnt think he would have the balls to work with me again. i guess it's just gonna make me get over him. no ifs ands or buts.
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Heather
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It's a bit silly to ask why someone has walked into the door when you invited them in.

You said you got him this job: obviously he's not going to understand working with you is hurtful to you if you set it up for him to do so.


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dotta
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that's true...but i just didnt think that he would want the job anymore if he's trying to move on and we aren't together anymore. idk...it's just going to be weird for a while.
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