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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » weird feelings

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Author Topic: weird feelings
kitka
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

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I see what you mean. The way I react to things doesn't make any sense. It didn't feel right to hug him in public but it felt more right - but sometimes still confusing - to screw around with him in private after spending a few hours with him. I told him after the fact that I don't like PDA; he said he didn't either.

It just seems like... I should be able to deal with guys normally at my age, and I'm not. If I tell him I need to slow myself down, I know at some point I won't be able to stay at just kissing him. I'll go further than that and wind up in the same situation that I started in, telling myself that I shouldn't be having these feelings.
If there's a chance he's lying, then what's the point of me making myself vulnerable to him by being more than a friend?


Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Normal is what is normal for YOU. There really, truly is no normal that fits all. That's a malarkey idea: everyoene has different comfort levels when it comes to sex, affection and intimacy in general AND with specific people.

But the real issue seems to be that you have boundaries, but feel you don't have the self-control to abide by them yourself, and that IS likely to be a problem: for you, for the partners who will inevitably become pretty confused and lost. Why don't you feel you're able to have those internal controls, or really take the time to slowly feel out your comfort zones?

Per the lying, thing is....well, it's twofold:

1. In general, getting to know someone involves establishing trust, over time, AND
2. Getting involved at a sane pace that allows that to happen, without endangering you overmuch physiocally or emotionally.

(I'm going to move this to the Relationships forum, so that this discussion can continue without endless new threads in this forum.)

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Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
ST homepage ST blog about Heather & Scarleteen


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