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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » dating a younger guy (the smoker)

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Author Topic: dating a younger guy (the smoker)
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

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First date with him is tomorrow night.
We've talked 20 minutes total, so we don't really know each other. As he said goodbye to me after class, he tried to hug me. I told him, not yet. He backed off a little suprised.

If he tries to get physical before it feels right for me, what's a firm but kind way to tell him to ease off? Should I tell him why I want to take things slow? i.e. I think people should get to know each other beforehand because it's respectful & makes a relationship stronger if it's meant to be.

He's 21 and went to an all boys high school... so I wonder if he's not experienced in dealing with (somewhat) more mature girls. (I'm 24.)

Basically, I want to set limits - how to do this without scaring him off?


Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, for plenty of people, hugging isn't sexual or romantic, it's merely friendly. That may be why he was surprised: perhaps he's just a hugger in general.

So, I'd simply explain that you're not that physically affectionate with people you're just getting to know (if that's true); that you've just likely got a bigger personal space bubble than he does.

Just be sure that in your limits setting you're not going outer limits: in other words, that you're not making tons of rules and such before you even have one date, and that you're not placing rules on him in particular that you don't place on other people. After all, getting too intense abot rules and limits before you've even had a casual date can be a bit preemptive.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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