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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Girlfriend has a crush...

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Author Topic: Girlfriend has a crush...
Member # 25539

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Maaksel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok - this is WAY longer than i intended - Thank you ahead of time for taking the time to read my problems.

Anyway, I've suspected it for quite a while, even teased her about it. The fact that she is flattered/attracted to another male... is well - I get somewhat jealous, but at the sametime I think you know what, I probably do the same thing. So long as nothing becomes of it - it ok.

But the problem is now - she is lying about it.

She always calls me when she gets off work, this isn't a "maybe" its an *always*, and she also calls me when she gets out of class - just a friendly hello and to see what we are up to for the rest of the day, work/hobbies/home etc.

Anyways, so she doesn't call me when she gets out of class - Hmmm I think to myself, she hasn't called yet. Thats really strange...

Then she gets off work at 10:30, and I stop what I'm doing as so it wont inturrupt our short conversation (she is usually on her way over at this point). And again, no call.

11 rolls around so I call her. No answer.

She calls me back around 11:15, and says "ok ok i'm on my way over" in a hurried way....

She gets to my house, and gives me the greatest words, "We need to talk"...

So I ask her - Why didn't you call me when you got off of work - "I had to hurry home and go to the bathroom" Thats immediate BS, she is no where near her period and she has no qualms with ever going at my house.

I know what its about, and say "so He's a bit more that a friend?"

Silence.... "No".

I ask to see her phone - she's is VERY reluctant to hand it over - finally she does.

I hit the send button and see -

Her best friend...

I click the one right before she called me back - Hmm, talked for 45 min...

I basically just looked at her and said Go home, and walked upstairs.

So she leaves... Never in a million years did i think she would actually leave - don't girls know that the LAST thing you do is actually leave?

So i go to call her - Straight to voicemail - oh maybe she's trying to call me....

I call again a few min later - (by the way, i'm not mean or anything when i talk, i'm very cool/collect). I ask her - You're on the phone with him aren't you... Silence... "yes"...

Then she asks me to hold on... I say "No, HE call hold on while you talk to your BOYFRIEND" notice the emphasis...

Then i change my mind right after - Actually go ahead and talk to him - your BOYFRIEND will be waiting.

30 min or so goes by (by this point i called a good friend and talked to him about). And she calls....

Talked to him that whole time i bet - never asked - Explained to her that she hurt me by lying to me and I dont like the way she feels.

at this point my stomach doesn't feel very good, so i tell her i'm going to go and hang up.

3 hours go by, she calls again when i'm in bed - asked her what she did "talked on the phone... and went on myspace"...

I ask her if she's ever hung out with this guy outside of school, she says no - i give her 3 more chances to correct herself. (I already know due to the fact she didn't call me earlier she was probably with him).

Conversation takes it twists and turns, and then she says "I lied again, I did hang out with him earlier today" This time i tell her I already knew, and i gave her opprotunities to correct her original lie, but she refused...

so Now i'm pissed, and hang up.

She shows up and comes in my room (she has a key)...

She's all crying and sobbing I love you I love you, I'm so sorry...

I don't know about other guys - but when I'm pissed - I shut down, I show no emotion, so i lay there quietly.

while she is crying she's trying to figure out a way to make it up to me, she says over and over "there is no way you'll ever trust me again, we'll have to break up" (it was something close to that, she was all crying).

Now It all dawns on me - or at least i think - she WANTS to break up giving her opprotunity, she says over and over we have to break up, and that I am forcing her to do it.... .. .

Soooo - I'm like a stone, eyes shut, grinding my teeth - I'm pissed.

So she grabs her keys and leaves....

I text her with my phone "Thanks for nothing but a broken heart" probably not the nicest thing to do, but I'm pissed..

She comes back to my room, crying much harder "I'll do anything, anything" over and over, she's crying really really really hard now...

So i let her cuddle up to my side, and kinda gently stroke her arm to calm her down...

anyways, we laid there (its now 4:30am) and she normally has to be hom ebefore her parents wake up ... Her mom is crazy strict... and she's almost 19, but thats a whole different story.

I have yet to talk to her today - I don't know what to say/do.

Should I trust her again? She is blatently lying to me to hide a crush on this "other guy"

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bobolink         Edit/Delete Post 
The controlling relationship you describe with your girlfriend wasn't a healthy one to begin with. I suspect your girlfriend is tired of constantly "reporting in". The relationship is probably over. It is time for both of you to move on.

Just remember that trying to exercise control over another person's life will not win you long-term girlfriends.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I agree with Bobolink.

If you are going to have a healthy relationship, you've got to have trust. And that plays into your situation in two ways...

It sounds very much as though you haven't trusted her for quite a while. You've suspected she was involved with someone else. And from your description, it sounds a bit as though you expected her to check in on a regular basis (though this may not be the situation, it just sounds like it from the description you gave). Expecting her to check in and then not believing what she said sounds not only lacking in trust but also a little controlling.

Secondly, do you feel that you will be able to trust her now that this has happened? It sounds to me like the answer is probably no. You didn't really trust her before, so how would this help the situation? It just really sounds like this relationship is over, or that it probably needs to be over. It isn't fair to either one of you to keep up a relationship where there is no trust. So unless you truly believe that you can work through this -- that you won't be suspicious of her or punish her for what has happened, and that she can be fully honest with you in the future -- you need to let this go.

Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23917

Icon 1 posted      Profile for feefiefofemme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As Bobolink and KittenGoddess have already said, a healthy relationship means TRUSTING your partner. It sounds to me as if you have some serious issues with this. Your girlfriend should be allowed to have her own life outside of you, and if you're overcome with suspicion if she so much as doesn't call you after work, well...

And the way you demanded to see her cellphone and hounded her like that... If you ask me that's a serious invasion of privacy. Perhaps she is/was cheating on you with this guy, but it's equally possible that she's just friends with him. Guys and girls can have platonic relationships, as strange as that might seem. I don't mean to tear you apart (though looking back through this it really seems as if I do) but the girl needs some space! If you can't allow her that without becoming insanely jealous, perhaps you need to take a break from romantic relationships for a while.

Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cactus9     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I'm going to side with the rest of the posters.

It doesn't sound like there was trust in the relationship. When you cease to trust your significant other, the relationship is pretty much gone.

However, I'm going to say neither of you handled it well. If you knew she was "going behind your back," why not talk to her about it calmly? Like as her what she wants in the relationship and avoid a lot of bloodshed? If she were crushing on the other guy, she should have come clean.

Posts: 86 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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