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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Please, I need advice

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Author Topic: Please, I need advice
Member # 24524

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I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I was on his email to see if his friend wrote him back because I knew he was waiting for his friend to write back ..well, when i came on his email..i found what i least expected to ever find... I found some Free porn thing. it was xxxebony (something like that) and i clicked on it and it did say he signed up for it but he had to click a link to complete his activation. I deleted all of it because I was so upset. He told me he dosen't watch that stuff but yet i find it on his email. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me but do you think he really does? I don't know what to think... and Me and him do have sex occasionally So i don't get why he needs to watch porn.I really need advice. I'm devasted. Anyone who can help, i'll appreciate it so much..thank you a lot.
Posts: 3 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

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Okay, firstly, it is fairly normal for people to want to look at porn and masturbate while they are in sexual relationships-- often this is a way that you can explore fantasy that your partner would not be comfortable with, or, for instance some people do it as a way to relieve tension when they don't feel up to giving their partner the attention that they deserve during sexual activity (since partnered sexual activity should be a two-way street, after all). There are other reasons too, but to know your partner's reasons, you'd need to ask him.

What is an issue here, that I see, is that your parnter lied to you-- you need to confront him about this, and work out why. Possibly, its just that he felt embarrassed, and it could make your relationship a whole lot healthier to have it out in the open. (If your partner has a history of lying to you, however, then perhaps its time to demand that he sort out his honesty issues if he wants the relationship to continue.)

There could be other issues-- for instance, you might perhaps have problems with the representation of women in this porn. There is porn available that represents women in a positive way (largely thanks to our own Miz Scarlet and those who have followed in her footsteps), so if this is a problem, and if you are both over 18, you could try finding porn together in which all people are represented in a cool and healthy way.

Also, take a look at this Scarleteen article, all about porn:
Looking, Lusting and Learning: A Straightforward Look at Pornography

[This message has been edited by Beppie (edited 09-29-2005).]

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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