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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » He isn't the same person, but is he faking it?

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Author Topic: He isn't the same person, but is he faking it?
Member # 25488

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I had been friends with **Joe for a while, and then our friendship was silently changed into a relationship. when he brought it to my attention, i realized i hadn't really noticed, and didnt like him like that. but, i went out with him anyway. this was not a mistak, i grew to love him (**joe is the first guy i have ever gone out with, because he is the first guy i was ever attracted to). within a month, joe broke up with me. he never told me why, but i know it was because he is incrdibly depressed, he has changed from the man i fell in love with. his friends have noticed, and so have i. My friends are telling me to drop him, but all of his friends want him to go back out with me. i think all the friends need to let us sort this out. but i do think he would be better off if he let me help him out, everyone is in agreement that joe was his old self when we went out (that joe had dissapeared a few monthes before we went out, and is still missing again).

Joe would never go out with girls in 8th grade and freshman in highschool, he would be disgusted with himself, but since me (less than a mnth ago) he went out with 2 freshman (both dummped him) and an 8th grader (got a 'better' boyfriend). Joe is only in these relationships to 'whore' these girls, (he was a virgen when i met him).

Joe is very depressed, and is on depression medications (i am apposed to these, they change his personality, for the worse. because of these medications Joe has been an *** to all of his friends, and now all but me have left him. however, he has new friends, who are as bad, or worse off than him who are only making him worse. he calls out silently screaming for me to help him, but i dont know what to do. everytime we make plans or he says that he will call me he blows me off for his new girl toy, (who are normally 2 years younger than me and 3/4 younger than him, i am only 15 and he is almost 17). i dont know how to help him, i dont know what to do, i know i still love him, and he still has very strong feelings for me, he is very confused, how do i get him to open up to me?

(PS, i am very scared to directly tell him i still love him because then he may not be willing to tell me how he feels about other girls and what is completely going through his head)

thank you all so much, your a life saver (oh, right, he also cuts himself in his arm, he had stopped but when he broke p with me he did it again, and he got me re-started too)
(sorry about my atrocious spelling)

Posts: 36 | From: New York | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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You need to tell Joe that you're worried about him. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help.

If he doesn't want/need your help, back off.

Having been where Joe is now, i know that he's not going to get any better until he wants to. Everyone can offer their help all they want, but nothing's going to change until he accepts that help. Until he accepts that help, you're just making things worse. Telling someone over and over (not that you have, but people do) how they need to get better and how you can help (and know what's best for) them gets old fast.

It really sounds like having him in your life right now isn't helping you any either ... You need to be looking at your own behaviour (ie, cutting). How can you expect to help someone with something you're still doing yourself?

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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