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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My melodrama

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Author Topic: My melodrama
CEC523
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Member # 23120

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Pieces of my story are all over this message board somewhere. In a nutshell, this is what my life has been lately. About a month ago, I started a flirtation with this guy at Starbucks. He asked me out and I told him I had a boyfriend, but the interest he showed me stayed in the back of my mind. Whenever I saw him there, we flirted and talked and in a moment of boredom with my current relationship I told him that I wanted to spend some time with him outside of Starbucks.

We got together that night and talked and kissed and I felt slightly guilty, but not incredibly so. That was Tuesday, the 6th. My boyfriend and I had a fight on Friday the 9th and we ended up breaking up. It was incredibly sudden and I really hadn't been expecting him to initiate it and while I was sad, I was also kind of relieved.

I've been seeing my guy from Starbucks, Josh, a lot. He's been so supportive with me as far as my breakup goes and he treats me really well. My mother's been really confused about why I've been so happy considering my recent breakup and I haven't been able to tell her. Because Josh is twenty three. And I'm seventeen. And I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year and I have no idea how she's going to react.

The whole problem with this is the fact that I really want to have a relationship with Josh. For awhile, I thought he was going to be my rebound guy, my fling, whatever, but that really isn't the case.

How do I introduce this to my mother without really freaking her out? I have been lying to go see him and I don't want to anymore. Josh hates the fact that we have to be secretive about everything and it's getting really old to me too.

Advice?

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"Talking about music is like talking about sex. Can you describe it?"
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Posts: 124 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Much like in your last post, I have got to tell you that you seem to have a pretty funny idea of what " a while" and 'finally" and "getting old" are per actual time which has passed.

In short, few very people -- especially young people -- are going to be able to reliably determine if a relationship is or is not a rebound when a breakup didn't even happen two weeks ago, and the new relationship only began a few days before that. Honestly, doll, if you think you can know that right now, you are seriously kidding yourself. And I'd say that to anyone, of any age.

I agree that being secretive with your Mom isn't a great idea, and being secretive about any sort of relationship tends to be unhealthy and unsatisfying for everyone. But I also think you've got to adjust your patience a bit, and your time-scale (because yes, that is some of what is likely making all of this very melodramatic). It's pretty typical for people of any age not to basically announce a relationship to the public as a reltionship when one's only been dating a couple of weeks, and certainly when the relationship began in dishonesty before the old one was complete.

So, how about you think gradual ALL around? For instance, per your Mom, why not just bring Josh home some night after work and just introduce him as Josh. Start there. If you're going to keep dating, then afterwards, telling her that you're seeing the Josh who she met is who you're seeing is what you'll need to do.

And per stuff with this guy? MOST people anyone will date will treat them very well in the first couple of weeks, and just after a breakup in a relationship that went sour, EVERYONE'S perspective is skewed, and very often, again, for any of us, things with other people can look a lot shinier than they are, especially if you didn't even take five minutes to breathe before relationships.

So, if you are going to keep dating, keeping it DATING and casual for a decent while would be pretty smart.

(And per how your Mom is going to react? I'd say you might want to be prepared for her to perhaps say some of the things you've heard said here, all of which are reasonable. I'm not your Mom, so I'm not about to ride your butt about the age thing -- and if you're not having any sort of sex, legal issues aren't relevant at this point -- but I'd certainly expect her to be wary, especially given you haven't been honest. Parents tend to mistrust anyone who seems to promote their kids to be dishonest, that's typical.)

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Heather Corinna
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