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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » willing to change?

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Author Topic: willing to change?
Member # 19971

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The guy I've been dating for about a month has 2 extremes. Sometimes he's so nice to me, and sometimes he'll just say things that hurt me without thinking first.

For example, I was going to visit him at work and when I called him to say that he was all "No, I don't want you to come, you'll be clingy." which really hurt me. I mean, he could've said it in a tactful way without hurting me! But when he's nice, it just makes my heart melt.

I think the problem arises from the fact that he's never had a gf before, even though he's 21. For the past 2 years he's just been fooling around with girls meaninglessly until I came along. He just can't seem to be able to put himself into other peoples' shoes and think "If I do/say this, how will that affect the person's feelings?".

I tell him whenever he's hurt me and he apologizes. I think he's sincere when he tells me that he likes me and would be devastated if he lost me and says he wants to change and be considerate and respectful. I don't want him to change into something he's not, but that's a good change! If only everyone would think that way, the world would be a better place.

But I can't keep feeling hurt and angry at him, because that makes me want to hurt him back and that's now how I want to live my life...How many chances can I give this guy? I think if it works out in the end itd be worth it.

Posts: 19 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 139

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You're going to have to draw a line somewhere. Because you're right--you can't keep feeling hurt and angry at him. That's no way to have a relationship.

It takes a long time to change set behaviors, if it happens at all. But part of a relationship is accepting all parts of that person, good, bad, or otherwise. Are you prepared to do this? From your post, I think not.

As talking does not have seemed to help, I'd say draw a line. If he can't stop insulting you, than you're going to find someone who will.

Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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