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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » confused

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Author Topic: confused
ilovemysoldier
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Member # 23042

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Hi all!-

I don't exactly know how to ask this, but I will do my best!

I have been talking to this guy for over a month now, we've been on 3 dates and talk online almost every night. We are not yet "official" but hopefully sometime soon. I have expressed to him a few times how much I really like him and am ready to take the next step whenever he's ready...the problem is that he's shy, but not shy at the same time (hard to explain). He has already told me that he has a fear of being hurt...or setting himself up to get hurt. I understand this and have told him that I'm willing to wait. I guess I just want to know if our relationship will be going anywhere or if my efforts are going unoticed. On our dates, it always seems like I'm the one who makes the first move (and have no problem with doing this). I have told him "the boundaries", which aren't very strict...so I don't know if he just expects/likes me to make the first move, or if it's just his shyness? He's told me that he likes me as well...it just takes him longer. Should I believe this or is he just playing me for a fool? I've asked him where we stand on a few occasions. So I have talked to him about it and am very open too. I would just like some advice on what I should do next? I'd talk to him about it again, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm being impatient or trying to make him decide right now. I would just like to know if my efforts are getting us anywhere. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks-
Jess

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"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its pupils."

"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."


Posts: 23 | From: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ilovemysoldier
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Member # 23042

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....anyone?

------------------
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its pupils."

"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."


Posts: 23 | From: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ilovemysoldier
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can anyone please throw some advice my way? it'd be greatly appreciated!!

------------------
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its pupils."

"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."


Posts: 23 | From: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
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Member # 139

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Sorry. It's not often a question goes unanswered.

At this point, talking to him again might be the best option. If that doesn't work, then it might be time for you to reevaluate where you stand, and what you need from this relationship.

Be honest, be direct. Don't skirt around the issues, and ensure you get an answer.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ilovemysoldier
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Member # 23042

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Thanks for your reply!

Well, I talked to him again about it. I've gotten a much clearer answer now, I think. The conversation went something like this...

"i'm just worried that you're kinda getting too far ahead of me...like i appreciate it and i'm flattered that you like me like you said, but like i said it takes a while to get to know someone and i don't wanna leave you to have your feelings keep growing so that you wanna move in by the time i ask you out or something like that... it just feels like you're getting to a place that i can't match feelings-wise and it's not really fair to either of us to expect from one another what our feelings dictate"

"okay, then i just need to know, flat out, don't hold anything back...what your feelings are right now, at this very moment"

"my feelings are that i'm interested and i'm still getting to know you and i still don't wanna rush anything"

...the rest of the convo, he just basically said that he's an older guy and there's more to consider/look at. He said he's just trying to be more mature and adult-like about it. So, is this a good thing then? I'm glad I finally have a clear understanding of where he stands. But is this a normal thing for "older guys" to do? And should I be confident in hopes that this will continue to become more? Any comments are welcome!!

Thanks again-
Jessica


------------------
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its pupils."

"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."


Posts: 23 | From: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MadLittleGirl
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It looks like he is looking out for his feeling as well as yours. I say give him a chance. It looks like he has been hurt in the past and wants to protect him self, is that so bad. Age might have a little to do with it but I would not think alot, how much older is he? Just take your time. If you were meant to be with each other then it will happen.

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As you get older life gets harder


Posts: 22 | From: Somewhere in Tx | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ilovemysoldier
Neophyte
Member # 23042

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Thanks! Your post has given me hope and confidence! Thank you!

I am 18 and he is 21. So it's not much of an age gap...and it's not like he's that old himself. But I see where he's coming from. This has just never happened to me before...so it scared me. I feel much better now though!

Thanks again!-
Jessica

------------------
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its pupils."

"Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."


Posts: 23 | From: Wisconsin, USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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