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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Help! I Like 2 Guys

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Author Topic: Help! I Like 2 Guys
Lenore
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Member # 25312

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Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for about a year,(Doug) at the begining of our relationship he moved 3 states away, so we never see eachother. We talk on the phone and online for hours every day, and I love him and I know that he loves me with all his heart, and I don't ever want to hurt him, but I've met another guy (Wayde). He's a friend of a friend that I just so happened to meet at my friend's house. I'm really starting to like him and as much as I don't want to hurt Doug, I'm really tempted to start something with Wayde.
It would be so easy to be with Wayde, he only lives a few towns away, he's sweet as can be, he's funny, good looking, just about everything I've ever wanted in a guy, but I still love Doug and don't want to hurt him.

I really need someone to talk to about this, and I don't want my friends and such to know and put in their 2 cents and try to sway me into whats good for them.
So please reply to this with honest oppinions, whatever they may be.


Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Well, don't hook up with Wayde if you are going to stay with Doug. Cheating is BAD. BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD. I speak from the epxerince of getting hceated on. it totally sucks and the pain is immeasurable!

Ask yourself: can your relationship with stand the distance? are you totally satisfied with how things are going despite the separation? if you're not happy, then it's not going to work even if you love Doug.

Do you know if Wayde likes you?

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lenore
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I don't want to cheat, I know it's bad, and I feel really bad for having these feelings for Wayde, but they're there, and they're not going away.
And yes, Wayde does like me, which makes it all harder on me. I never thought I would ever feel like this, and I've always looked down on people who cheated and stuff.
And yet I feel this way, I really love Doug, and we were planning our future together and everything, and I think about marrying him and growing old with him and everything. But I don't ever get to see him, and I'm starting to like this other guy and he likes me too, it's all really confusing.

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Lenore
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I am uncertain of my future with Doug now that I've met Wayde. Everything was so easy before he came along. I really love and don't want to hurt Doug, but at the same time, I can't shake these feelings for Wayde.
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dailicious
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Would it be possible for you to negotiate a break with Doug? Something along the lines of "We can both date other people, but will still consider our relationship for the long term once this distance thing ends."

You can even discuss setting boundaries you might be comfortable with, like, it's fine to date, but not to do anything sexual, for example, or a similar idea.

Long distance relationships can be difficult for people exactly for the rasons you're bringing up- the reason you might show more interest in Wayde right now is because you're interested in more physical interaction than you're able to have with Doug.

If the two opf you could possibly work something out, that may be the way to go. You can explain to Doug that you do love him and that you see a future with him, but the distance is difficult for you to deal with and you're finding yourself attracted to guys who you can onteract with in person.

If something like this can't be worked out, then you'll really have to decide how happy you are with your situation with Doug, or how much you'd be willing to risk losing what you have with Doug to start a relationship with Wayde. It's not going to be easy, but that's what life throws at us, sometimes.

Good luck, hon.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lenore
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I don't think Doug would go for a break. He would do it, because he loves me and would do anything to make me happy, but it would tear him apart if he knew I liked someone else, and I don't want to do that to him.

The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, but I'm really split down the middle.

Wayde is super nice and extremly sweet, and conveniently near by. I like him, and he likes me. If it weren't for Doug I can honestly say that I would be with Wayde right now, and if it weren't for Wayde, everything would still be perfect with Doug.

I know I can't have both, I have to chose, and thats the part I'm having trouble with. How do I chose when I like them both.
What do I do? I don't want to hurt anybody.


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Kisses Me Pink
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Well. Truthfully? The saying: don't leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will always leave you for the one they love.

True for most cases. If you really love Doug, and leave him because it's not convenient, it will most likely end up feeling like death. If you can imagine living without him, breaking his heart, not having him as a boyfriend, not talking to him on the phone every day, take that into consideration. If you can really deal with leaving him. Cause often, that's not really thought through and mistakes are made. If it doesn't work out with Wayde, you can't just pick up Doug just as fast as you threw him away. Love's funny like that.

Buuut really it's about what you want more. A new convenient relationship, or a long-distance-loving-already-there one.


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Lenore
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What do I do about my feelings for Wayde? What if they get stronger?
I can't say for sure that I wont act on them, I don't know if I could resist.

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Gumdrop Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by Lenore:
I can't say for sure that I wont act on them, I don't know if I could resist.

Yes you can say you won't act on them. As a firm believer in personal responsibility, I really hate it when people refuse to be held accountable for their own actions. You are in charge of everything you do, so you know dang well if you're gonna act.

You keep talking about hurting Doug. Well, if you choose to hook up with Wayde, don't you think Doug's gonna hurt? Yes he is. And he's gonna hurt a lot. Getting cheated on hurts a whole lot than just being told, "Look, you're really far and I can't handle the distance, we need to break up."

Honestly, i think you need to let Doug go. But if he means that much to you, you need to tell Wayde to back off and be a better girlfriend to Doug.

You can't have your cake and eat it, too.

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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