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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Jealousy =\

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Author Topic: Jealousy =\
Sedi Tlugvi
Member # 21797

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Alright, where to begin?

My boyfriend and I have been together for little over a year now and I'm very much in love with him. He's been working a lot recently, however, at a job he doesn't really like and I can kind of tell it's frustrating him that he's having to work practically everyday. School has been in for about two weeks now and ever since then I've been feeling overly sensitive. I've basically become jealous of every female he talks to and I'm not sure why. Sometimes I see him flirting with my friends (something that didn't bother me before), but now it really hurts. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but it does. I've just started feeling inadequate as a girlfriend and I'm not sure how to get over this. I don't want to be jealous of everyone, because I trust him and don't want him to think otherwise.

Before I asked him out he had asked out his life-long friend Linda. They've been friends since they were in diapers basically and their parents are the best of friends. Well, after he asked her out (and she turned him down) she basically began ignoring him and was a bitch. Well, now that she recently began talking to him he has taken it upon himself to try and rebuild this friendship. Today he's going over to her house to help her and her family move. No big deal, right? So why do I feel like it's such a big deal? I mean, she initially turned him down, thus meaning she's not interested--plus she already has a long-term boyfriend. I shouldn't be worried--I trust my boyfriend. So what am I worried about??

Another thing is she had these parties last year at her boyfriend's house where basically they would get wasted and all. He went to one or two, but never drank. Eventually they stopped inviting him. My boyfriend commented earlier in the summer that he wishes that he would be invited to them again, because they were apparently really fun. I'm just afraid that he's going to get mixed up in that kind of stuff. I'm just worried about him. And, even though I don't want to admit it to myself, maybe I'm afraid that he'll begin spending more time with her than with me. Does that make me a completely jerk?? I'm afraid he's gotten tired of me and my mood swings--I just don't think I can compete. ;__;

Could someone please give me some advice?

[This message has been edited by Rally (edited 09-11-2005).]

Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24491

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Well, you say you have been together with your boyfriend for a year now, so I'm going to ask a straight question.

Do you have any reason NOT to trust him ?
Has he cheated on you, lied to you, or similar.
If he hasn't, then I think that you re just insecure about yourself, try not to think thougths that make you feel insecure, don't bother comparing yourself to other girls, or even try to paint up diffrent scenarios.
It will just make things worse.

However, you can ask your boyfriend where he has been, and what he has done etc, always, listen to him, what he has to tell you, that can make a big diffrence.

I'm talking out of personal experience with my girlfriend, that has been, and still is to some degree jelous of other girls, even friends that I've been knowing for 10 years or more.

You also said that he is trying to rebuild a friendly relatioinship with a girl that he has known for a long time, and that he asked out.
Well you seem to know the story there, so why bother thinking those thoughts at all ?
Why not focus that energy into supporting him, and hoping that he will be a good friend once again .

Your last sentence, kinda made me think, and that's probably exactly what my girlfriend tried to do.

"I just don't think I can compete. ;__;"

NEVER compete, you re not there to compete, you re there to make your life better and more fun to live, and he is there for you !
It's a good thing that he doesn't drink! Be happy about that !, Seems like he has some standards that he isn't going to give up.

Finnaly when it comes to the flirting, you could actually talk to him about that, tell him how you feel when he does that infront of you, but also have in mind that you might be more sensitive than before and that some things that you didn't care about then, suddenly matter now. Try to talk to him about it, and see what he has to say.

So be cool, take it easy, and try to communicate more with your boyfriend, tell him how you feel, but also listen to what he has to say, and how he sees things, it helps a lot!

Also remember, you have a value! and you DESERVE to be loved, and cared for, no matter how other girls are, or how they look, what they do!
You re special, and that's probably why your boyfriend choose you, and not someone else .)

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22679

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I completely agree with The_Guardian.

Honestly, all you can give is your best effort. If you can give that, you are being more than adequate, you are being a good partner!

This is coming from a guy's perspective, and I too have felt the "inadequacy." It really haunted me until I realized that all I can give is my best.

Your boyfriend has values, and after going out for so long, do you think he'd casually abandon you? It takes a special kind of person to cheat in a happy relationship.

Sure, your boyfriend wants to re-establish a friendly relationship with a long time friend. That's not too bad.

Posts: 86 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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