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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Long Engagements?

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Author Topic: Long Engagements?
Member # 18231

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My boyfriend, Ryan, and I have been together for almost 2 years. I'm 18, he's 20. Neither of us is ready to be married at this time in our lives (I'm in school, he's going back to school next semester, and neither of us has anything resembling a steady job) but we've talked about marriage in the future (4 or 5 years from now) and we both agree that we see ourselves together. Lately, we've been discussing when we'll get "officially" engaged. He wants to surprise me when it happens so he's being very vague, but the way he's hinting at it, I think it'll be sometime in the next year. Now if he proposes when I'm, let's say, 19 and we don't get married until a little while after I graduate, like we're planning, that's a 4 year engagement.

I'm fine with that, I'd prefer a long engagement, but I'm just curious, what's everyone's opinion on long engagements? If it's going to be a few years before the wedding, do you think the couple should exchange promise rings and then actually get engaged closer to the wedding date? And how does everyone define "long" when talking about engagements anyway?

I know it's a lot of questions, but it's something I really am curious about. Thanks everyone.

Posts: 17 | From: Ohio | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19721

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You are still quite young, but if you feel that you are truly ready to be engaged, sometime within the next year, that's great. Keep in mind that it's marriage.. the rest of your life. So if you're not ready to handle that idea, promise rings are an amazing idea until engagement. It's not the length that bothers me, but just the idea of engagement so young. Within those four years, you would still have intentions of getting married, without making it official. Once you're engaged, you can't keep changing your mind back and forth on the subject so think it through first. By the way, congratulations!! :-D
Posts: 20 | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 22471

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Actually an engagement doesn't mean you automatically have to set a marriage date or are necessarily expected to marry quickly or for sure. I know of a couple who spent their entire lives being engaged without being married.

So really? It's up to you and what you're most comfortable with. I think long engagements are fine; my friend's brother was engaged to his wife (they got married two weeks ago) for two or three years, I think, while they were finishing school.

Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11352

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It's up to you and your partner together how long you two want to be engaged before getting married. It's okay to be engaged during college/university. There are lots of people who do that. Some get married before grad, and others get married after grad.

There is nothing wrong with long engagements. I'm actually in one myself. I got engaged last year (May 2004) just a month before turning 20 and Isaiah was 21. We knew way before we got engaged, it had to be two years no matter what. We've been engaged for almost 1 1/2 years now. Btw, we've been together as a couple for almost 4 1/2 years now.

Our reasons for was for me to be to be at least going into my last year of university or at least just graduated upon marriage, finances (two years is enough time for us to save and put it towards wedding & honeymoon.

We were/still are okay with our 2 year engagement. We're not far from our 6 month left countdown to our big day. It's actually given us less stres on the planning, and etc. So i'm really happy that we did decide to wait two yeas rather than one year or less.

I'm still in the process of finishing university. I've actually decided to take my last year off (this year) to work and make lots more money towards our big day and plus, we live together. We're okay with me graduating the following spring (2007) instead of next year (2006).

Anyway, I just wanted to point out my side. Honestly, it's really on your end and your patner's how you want to go about the engagement issue. Remember, long engagments are okay. It's actually becoming a trend now. People are waiting 2 or more years. But it's you, your partner and the relationship itself how you want to wait to get married.


Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25221

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my boyfriend and i are in exactly the same situation. we both just graduated from high school and now are both attending college...however i stayed here in new jersey and he went to school in florida long story. we are each others first in everything except first kiss.. i blew that one lol. but anyway we had been going out for about three months and he gave me a promise ring... i bought him his for his birthday about three months later. he promised me that hed be my boyfriend until he owns a decent job and then he'll buy me a real engagement ring. as far as i see it, the ring doesnt mean much. we are in love and we are engaged because we are getting married no matter how long we have to wait. i hope the best for you two and wish you good luck and a lifetime of happiness
Posts: 2 | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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