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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » "the one"?

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Author Topic: "the one"?
Member # 23887

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My current boyfriend has been my only real boyfriend. We have been going out for four months. We are in love and it is amazing. We complement each other so well; everything's perfect, feels so right. Neither of us have felt this for anybody else. We don't need to pretend; I think it's the first time I've been able to just purely be myself without being afraid of being hated for it. I don't see a breakup any time in the near future, if ever. I am happier than I ever have been in my life.

For awhile I had a big fear that I was just being a naive teenager and I would end up getting hurt big time if I let myself go totally. It took me a long time to trust him completely. Basically I was afraid that I just THOUGHT I loved him, because really I had never experienced this before and I didn't know anything else. But now I'm pretty sure it's real.

How do I know if he's "the one" though? All signs point to Yes, except for the fact that I'm 17 and it's my first boyfriend.

I promise you though, I'm not a person who jumps into anything. I'm very cautious and I don't trust easily. I have asked myself a million times if I am sure this is for real.

I am asking this because it affects my future plans - namely, college. Do I plan my college around him? Some people have told me "do NOT base your college plans around your high school sweetheart" and others say "do what feels right". I don't know what to think anymore. I think it would kill me to have to leave him. But I guess people do it all the time... :\

Anybody else with experience with a similar situation that can give me advice?

Posts: 72 | From: massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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I vote that you DO NOT make your college plans around him.

You are 17, and you will change RADICALLY in college, even if you don't see it. College is one of those experiences that will test you in a lot of ways. your lifestyle is going to change. you're going to gain a lot of new influences. you will met a lot of people, the likes of whom you may never find again. you will grow emotionally and intellectually in ways you could not possibly imagine.

So how does this bode for your relationship? Well, it can change how you see him, how you feel about him. you've been in this for 4 months, Unfortunately, that's NOT a long time, and you don't have experience. Where are you going to be next year? What kind of person are you going to be the year after that? What will you be doing in 5 years?

Yes, a few couples survive. Unfortunately, a lot don't. Personally, I don't know any couples who survived going from high school to college. Then again, a lot of couples don't last 5 years.

don't limit yourself intellectually. College is important. College shapes our intellect and our outlook on the entire world by expanding our worldview. It's important to choose a college that fits you best. If you have to take a boyfriend into a account, that limits your choices. Why go to a second-rate school you don't like just to stay with him when you can maximize your potential at a school that's a better fit? Bonus points if he can go with you. But choosing a school because you can go to a couple should not be a main goal.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kisses Me Pink
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As a person, I have to agree with the don't base plans on your current love thing.

But as me, I know where you are. Because I'm in the same place. Except for we've been together for a year with no signs of ever having to break up. And as a hopeless romantic, I'm a "true love prevails" type person. I don't believe you should ever sacrifice the one you love, because I don't believe you can be happy without the one you really love.

Although, the logical part of me, always says something like you also shouldn't sacrifice yourself for what you really want, because who knows what would happen in the future with the one you love? People fall out of love. It happens everyday.

I realize I'm not being very helpful, but my honest advice? Don't leave him if you love him. Chances are, if you've left when things are perfect, you'll always regret leaving. Long distance relationships rarely work out, although there are the few exceptions. Do what your heart tells you. It won't lie.

Just my opinion. I tend to be illogical most of the time anyway.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I think it's worth considering that if there is such a thing a "the one," or "true love," that when that DOES occur, it'll be fairly easily adaptable to the best things for you to be doing with your life.

Deep love is, after all, about people accepting and celebrating one another for who they are, what's of value to them. So, if this is "It" -- and I would say that IMO, if this stuff exists, it likely isn't something that happens very early in life -- it'll be able to work with what's important to you.

So, make your plans for school as best fit your goals, then you and yours can work with those plans and create a relationship model that's harmonious.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23887

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Just to let you all know, in case I didn't make it clear... I'm not planning to go to the exact same college as he is, just in the same city. And also, we have been going out for 4 months, but we have known each other for years.

I was wondering, if we went to schools in the same city nearby each other, how feasible is it to get an apartment together while we are still in college? (I of course don't mean freshman year, but maybe sophomore or junior.) How much is it to rent an apartment? Do you think if we both got jobs we could pay for it?

This is hypothetical of course, but how many people do you think have made that living/college-ing arrangement and been successful?

p.s... It's very easy to TELL me to ignore him and do my college plans separately, but you see, if I end up at a school far away, that would mean breaking up with the love of my life and forcing myself to forget about him forever. That's like saying, "You should cut your arm off - c'mon, it's good for you!" I can't NOT think about him while planning college (actually, I can't stop thinking about him period... )

[This message has been edited by icygirl88 (edited 09-12-2005).]

Posts: 72 | From: massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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No one's saying you have to stop thinking about him forever.

I am absolutely head-over-heels in love with my boyfriend, and I'm moving to New zealand in January to live there for a year because I know it's the opportunity of a lifetime and I would regret not going for the rest of my life. I'm heartbroken over the fact I'm leaving him while we have such a good relationship, but at the same time, I know I can't not follow my dream just because he's not going to be there.

The funny thing about relationships is this: they're a growing experience, mroe than anything. If you and your boyfriend are truly going to be a good match and a strong couple years down the road, you can seperate now, come back and find the connection you have now. If you don't have that connection anymore? Then this was a part of your life that you'll ALWAYS remember and always be happy you experienecd.

There's no sense in trying to use foresight for any of this. You should make your college plans based on what is best for you and your future. It may be that you want to go to a college close to his school because it's the best school for you right now, as well. You always have the option of transferrign schools once you've gotten your basics out of the way or even later after you've gotten a degree and want to move onto a higher level program.

It may be feesible that you and your boyfriend could live together; rent will depend on a lot of factors so no one here can really tell you what you'd be looking at in terms of living. Also, take into account the need for transportation to and from school if that ever happens.

But really, you're saying yourself that would be an idea for after your freshman year, so? Don't worry about thinking about it until then. A lot can happen in a year, so wait until your sophomore or junior year to discuss if you're financially able to live together, if you think it would be healthy for your relationship for you two to live together, etc.

If you DO go to the school you're planning to right now, focus on your studies, see how things work out with your boyfriend, but only if this school is really what's best for you and your future right now. Don't snuff out a dream because he won't be close, that isn't fair to EITHER of you, I promise you that, I'm a walking, breathing example right here, and my move is a lot more than a couple states to go to a different school might be, hon.

[This message has been edited by dailicious (edited 09-12-2005).]

Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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