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Author Topic: should I have sex?
twitchyactress
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Member # 20680

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My boyfriend and I are totally in love, and we both really want to have sex with echother. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to have sex with him. I have had sex before and so has he, but I just don't know if I'm ready with him...
Posts: 8 | From: PT, WA, USA(unfortunately) | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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Just because you've had sex before doesn't mean you have to have sex this time. That's the nice thing about making a choice for yourself.

If you don't feel ready, tell him. If he doesn't like it, then perhaps you should question whether or not you want to spend time with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.

So, to help you figure out what YOU want, have a gander at our Readiness Checklist. It will help, I think, as it goes over the emotional, as well as the physical aspect of your decisions, whatever they may be.

Good luck!


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
twitchyactress
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Thank you for your reply. But I just want you to know that he would definately be ok with me not wanting to have sex yet. We've been together, off and on, for about a year now. He knows and respects my boundries with sex. I just don't know whether or not I am quite ready because of the time. we just got back together so I just don't know if I should or not. Thank you for your comment, it helped me realize that I didn't explain myself too well.
Posts: 8 | From: PT, WA, USA(unfortunately) | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Usually, a good rule of thumb, always, is that if some part of your brain is syaing it's not time just yet, wait.

Since sex will always keep, there's really never any harm in waiting; we can't say the same of rushing, both in terms of emotional readiness AND pure enjoyment.

So, when some part of your brain stops thinking, "It feels a little too soon," then it probably won't be.


Posts: 67063 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gubblebum
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Kudos to you for thinking responsibly! It's definitely better to think these things through now than to regret it later. It sounds like you want to wait despite temptation, and there is nothing wrong with waiting. You should talk to you boyfriend, and tell him just what you said here. If he doesn't understand he's not worth waiting for anyway.
Posts: 213 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fluffypink
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im not trying to say you should but have you considered why you were ready to have sex with someone else, but with the man you love youre not?
Posts: 22 | From: miss, on, canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Actually, fluffy, it's normal for sexual readiness to not be a one-shot deal.

In other words, for every partner a paerson has, they generally go through a whole process of readiness, and love alone -- of any sort, romantic or otherwise -- doesn't dictate readiness because so many factors are involved.

In fact, sometimes, a person can feel LESS ready the stronger their feelings are for a partner because the level of emotional vulnerability, what's at stake to lose, etc. is higher.


Posts: 67063 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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