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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » When is it love?

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Author Topic: When is it love?
Member # 23127

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This isnt a bad problem in which I need any solution, its just a simple question which probably puzzles a few more people...

When is it love?

I myself am in a relationship where I really really like my bf, but how do I know when it is in fact love, I have never been in love before and I am a perfect example of someone who is knew to the emotion, so how will someone like me know when what I am feeling is in fact love.

The word 'Love' gets thrown around a lot these days...

Most of you will probably say "Only you can decide when it is love" or "you'll know when its love"

But there must be certain feelings that point more toward the feeling of being in love rather than just really liking someone...

What are they?

Or if you dont know exactly what feelings you feel, why not share the moment in which you realised it was love...

Posts: 22 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25025

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I believe love is a decision . . . I really think the idea of "falling in love is silly" now that I've really thought about it in the past few years. You can feel an amazingly strong attraction, but love is a conscious decision. Love isn't just I-want-to-marry-you-and-have-lots-of-babies sort of thing either . . . my best friend is a guy, and I love him very much.

I know it sounds kind of harsh, but if you don't love someone anymore, that's it . . . you're not in love with them anymore. It's all up to you, and nobody can really tell you you're in love. They might be able to tell if you're showing how attracted you are to them, but love is for you to decide.

p.s. - This is my opinion

Posts: 11 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23887

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When do you know it's love? Goooood question.

Here's my own two cents.

First off, I don't believe that love is necessarily a uniform feeling that everyone experiences in the same way. My relationship with my boyfriend is probably totally different than your relationship with your boyfriend. Also, if someone has several different loving relationships in their lifetime, they all could be worthwhile in their own way, but all of them different.

(The media tends to produce identical, cookie-cutter images of what love is or feels like, but in real life it doesn't always happen like that.)

Secondly, I don't think there is a set boundary that you cross in order to call it love. It is more of a spectrum of intensity of feeling that you have for the other person.

My boyfriend and I were talking about this topic once. He was wondering, "I know I have strong feelings for you... but how do I know if this is *Love*?"
My answer: You're not going to be able to come up with a universal definition of what "love" is or feels like, because that definition is very personal and unique to you. You can't possibly know how long it's going to last, or if this is "The" relationship most important in your life. Bottom line is, if it works and it makes you happy, then enjoy it. Life is better without labels anyhow.

[This message has been edited by icygirl88 (edited 08-24-2005).]

Posts: 72 | From: massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15249

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I'm not sure love is a decision as much as a realization. One day my boyfriend and I are sitting in the car and it came to me: I love him and I do want to be with him for the rest of my life. Granted, I probably loved him well before that point, but at that time I just knew.

For me, love is wanting to spend time with someone and share all of your accomplishments, but also wanting to share all your pitfalls. Looking beyond differences and knowing a fight won't make or break your relationship also define love.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think you will just know. Just because you don't "just know" with your boyfriend right now doesn't mean you don't love him and doesn't mean that you never will love him, but just that you need more time. Falling in love takes time just like falling out of love takes time.

Posts: 213 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23120

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Falling in love is different for everyone. I know for me it was a physical thing as well as an emotional thing - I lost ten pounds in the first two months of my relationship because I was too happy to eat. It was an involuntary thing and when I became more assimilated to and comfortable with the relationship, I gained back the weight. But it's different for everyone.

"Talking about music is like talking about sex. Can you describe it?"
-Bruce Springsteen

Posts: 124 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25093

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love is when you realize you are happy in your relationship - youve past the initial bliss associated with a new boyfriend, but once youve seen more of him and you still feel ultimately happy with him(or her) then its love.

my favourite line in the wedding date (with debra messing) was "id rather fight with you than make love to anyone else"

Posts: 22 | From: miss, on, canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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