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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » A guy a have known all my life wants to take my virginty what do i do

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Author Topic: A guy a have known all my life wants to take my virginty what do i do
KSmiTTy_89
Neophyte
Member # 24926

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Alright ... sorry I am new with this website but anyways..

I have known this guy for 15 years but I moved when i was around 6 him and I stayed close.. well him and I have done almost every thing together when we were around 13...and just last saturday I went to go visit him ( havent seen him in almost 2 years but still write and talk etc.) well when I met up with him all our feelings came back for eachother and I mean hard core... even tho he had a girlfriend he started making out with me and all... well when we went to go see who came home he whispered in my ear.. wait till your 16th birthday and I will take your virginity... for a long time I have wanted to be with him in that way.. but the problem is ... he has been with like 3 other girls already... and I am afraid of the problems that will come out of it... so please help... do I go with my feelings and forget about it... do I wait till birthcontrol if I even get it... or should I just go till after I get out of a college

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Thanks Kay


Posts: 3 | From: berlin,wisconsin | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ceresbaistat
Activist
Member # 23736

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First of all, why are you sorry? This is a site where people ask question. There's nothing wrong with wanting to know something.

As for your question, be careful. These feelings could be hormones going mad from both of you. If you decide what you are feeling is real AND thatyou can trust him, you need to have some kind of birth control (condoms are pretty cheap and are sold and drug stors and planned parenthood clinics everywhere and there's rarely an age limit if there is one at all). If you can't afford them, you can't afford sex.

As for waiting, that is entirely your choice. Some people wait, some, like me, don't. No one can decide when the time is right but you.

I hope I helped.


Posts: 52 | From: Seabrook, TX | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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One thing to keep in mind is regardless of your feelings, this guy has a girlfriend. That generally means he's hands off.

But what I'm concerned about is whether you think you're ready for sex yet. You seem hesitant, for various reasons. I'd suggest you read our Readiness Checklist and really think about it. If you decide that's what you want, then I'd recommend picking yourself up some condoms.

Bottom line is don't let him pressure you if you don't think it's a choice you want to make. You can say no. It's your choice. Make the one that's right for you.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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To be perfectly honest if this -- "wait till your 16th birthday and I will take your virginity" -- sounds in no way creepy and somewhat predatory to you, your radar might need some adjusting.

Nobody needs to "take" anything from anyone, and someone who views your sexuality that way is really unlikely to be a caring, sensitive or even an enjoyable sexual partner.

In a word: yuck. Your better bet? Hold off not only until you're ready, but until you're with a partner who isn't waiting for you to be legal enough not to be jailed, doesn't view your body and self as an object having some sort of expiry date, and who approaches you and your sexual life (and his relationships, for that matter, including the ones he's currently IN) with a lot more respect and mutuality. This guy's a chump, and for whatever reason, you're not seeing it.

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Heather Corinna
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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quote:
Originally posted by KSmiTTy_89:
... even tho he had a girlfriend he started making out with me and all...

MiZ S pointed out one thing she thought was ceepy, i'll point out another.

Girl, you gotta get away from this boy. He's a CHEATER. Just because he comes onto you aggressively doesn't mean he's that into *you*. He might want to have sex with you, but what makes you think he won't treat you the same way as he treat his current girlfriend? What makes you think he won't go make out with the next girl he gets really hot for?

Curb this one. You can do better.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CheshireLovecat
Neophyte
Member # 24895

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Hey, KSmiTTY! Another newbie here; and while everyone else who's posted a reply have very valid points, ones which you should really consider before ever entering into a sexual relationship with anybody, there was something else I noticed...

You had to come online and ask people who are essentially perfect strangers what you should do. You're unsure of making the decision yourself. That, my dear, is the primary reason, in my mind, why you shouldn't go through with it. I've always come to find that unsureness (Not a word, is it? Oh well, you get my drift...) in just about any situation never gets you the happy ending you're after.

Just my two pennies.


P.S. - Also, Miz Scarlet made a good point of the whole ''taking'' bit. Sounds ultra creepy if you ask me...

[This message has been edited by CheshireLovecat (edited 08-17-2005).]


Posts: 3 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KSmiTTy_89
Neophyte
Member # 24926

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thanks for the posts everyone... but some of you say.. "if your asking us then you arent ready".. well the thing is my mom had like 4 abortions when she was younger and I yell at her so much... and I truly have alot planned ahead for my future and I dont want to be a hipacrit... I am just wondering how rare is it to get a baby.. like am I suppose to wait a week after my period to have sex or what.. does anyone know when its the best time...well the girls .. at least,lol

and for when people say "he cheated on his girlfriend.." yeah i understand that but him and I have been majorly expressing our feelings for each other for about 5 years... and there is nothing that wouldnt make him a perfect boyfriend.. and the same he says there is nothing that would help me be a perfect girl friend... he is one of those guys that are sensitive and ... he does want to have sex with me .. but I was talking to him about it last night and he said isnt ready... and i ask him ..
"I was like what do you mean your not ready you have already had 3 other girls..."
and he said "yeah that was just sex... between what you and me are going to have thats something specail.. something both you and I have been waiting for.. eachother.. and there are going to be alot of feelings at risk and I dont want to mess anything up .. I have loved you for almost 15 years now and I dont want to make you lose your virinity if you arent ready and if you dont feel the same for me..."
well see now that he says that stuff.. i just feel like I am the only person in the world and when I am with I feel nothing can hurt me ..EVER not even my cancer(in remission) and that is one of the best feelings in the world... so am i wrong to go ahead and do it.. the only thing I am ever scared about is if I am going to end up getting pregnet.. thats the only thing that scares me.. and I know people say no its hard to get pregnet but I feel just because I am worried about it the lord may "bless me" with a child... please any responds?


Posts: 3 | From: berlin,wisconsin | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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I think you've got your mind made up as far as a relationship with this guy goes, despite what we may tell you, and truthfully you know details none of us do, like everything you've just included in this post. So, it's your decision to make what to do with this guy.

As for sex and pregnancy... when you practice safer sex, yes, it is difficult to become pregnant, because part of safer sex IS contraception. This means condoms and usually lubricant, at the least. Plus, if you become sexually active you'll want to look into being sure you are getting and can get regular sexual health care (via a gynecologist) AND get yourself full STD screenings; not to mention this guy should be looking into getting full STD screenings as well.

You may be interested in some of these helpful articles on the site:

Ready or Not? The Sex Readiness Checklist
First Intercourse 101
Safe, Sound & Sexy

Those three will be some good ones to check out as a starter, and you may want to just look around the site yourself in other areas that may interest you, or feel free to come back here to ask more questions or use the Search function and see if those questions have already been answered in older topics.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KSmiTTy_89
Neophyte
Member # 24926

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hey everyone, its been almost a year since i have been on here. But i new problem has come along. So I lost my virginity the other night, at 17, which isnt bad but i thought i could hold on longer but point being, what do u think my chances are of getting pregnent? he didnt go in me without a condom, but he was down there without a condom for a while, and he started to go in until i told him no. well today i am not regreating it but i want to know am i at a high risk becuase i was a virigin or of that good stuff. I mean my stomach feels so weird today, one havent ate in a while from nerves, but its not a hunger pain, so do u think i am just stressing

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Thanks Kay

Posts: 3 | From: berlin,wisconsin | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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If there was genital contact, then you may have had a small pregnancy risk, since there is a chance that precum was present. More importantly, if you haven't been tested yet, you've both had an STI risk.

Being a virgin has no impact on a pregnancy risk. And if you had become pregnant, the first noticable sign would be a missed period, and not a wierd feeling in your stomach.

Since there was a risk if precum was present, you might want to think about getting EC (since your risk was only yesterday, you still have a little time to do that). Outside or that, you can take a pregnancy test 10-14 days after the risk to set your mind at ease.

For the future? Condoms provide damn good protection, but only if used correctly. That means using them for all genital contact.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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