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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » heartbroken

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Author Topic: heartbroken
NobodySaidItWasEasy
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The person I love has left me. We were together for only a very short time but I was in love with this person for years and years - they are not only the person I love but also my very, very best friend. I don't even know how to begin to cope with this because I honestly thought we would make a life together - we are perfect for each other and I feel like we hardly got the chance for this to materialise properly because it ended so soon. But even if they weren't meant to be with me, I was meant to be with them. There is no way I can love anyone else; I haven't done for years and I can't imagine doing so.

I think of them all the time and my heart is just cracked in two. My summer is utterly ruined. But I love them so much, I'd never wanna be clingy or force them back with me. I want what's best for them, but I feel so awful. I never thought this was happen - I thought we were in it for the long haul. Help!


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Heather
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Cliche as it sounds, do just give it time.

I'm going to assume you're not 40 or 50. I'm going to assume you're in your teens.

That given, quite a lot of us very much felt that way about someone then and since, and sometimes, in far, far more tragic scenarios.

But even then, it seriously does pass.

No two relationships are the same: they're all, all different. But pretty much always, more are out there, time and perspective change a lot, and life absolutely goes on and usually gets even better than you'd anticipate.

And who the love of your life appeared to be in your teens or early twenties is not often who they are or appear to be much later.

(You also tend to learn later not to get attached to the idea that someone is a lifelong partner until they've been around a while and you've seen a pretty good deal of life.)

So again, give it time. grieve as you need to, but also get out there and forge some new friendships, do the things you've liked to do for your own life before, keep your goals going nad let things settle into place. Love relationships -- even when you're in them -- are but one aspect of your life, after all.


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NobodySaidItWasEasy
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I know this sounds so melodramatic, but I am still not coping with this situation. I am as in love with this guy - and as hurt and devastated - as I was the day he broke up with me.

I think of him CONSTANTLY. I'd like to say it were pure obsession, but it's not. It's genuine love. So much went into my relationship with him that I just cannot deal with this or get over him.

Time has not done any healing for me yet. I feel genuinely changed inside. I don't like the different me, I want my old self back. And I want him back.


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Gumdrop Girl
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Two months ain't "time," you're going to need longer.

It can take a really, REALLY long time to get over someone who inspies really intense feelings in you. It may take several month or years. Sorry, it's not a switch you can flick on and off.

And you can't have him back unless he wants to come back. There's not much you can do to change that. But in the mean time, take some time to heal yourself by focusing on your wants (that aren't him) and goals. Work hard, improve yourself mentally, emotionall, spiritually and physically. Exercise. Read philosophy. Go to church if you're into that sort of thing. Spend time with friends and family. Write and paint and dance.

These aren't menial distractions. These are exercises for your soul. So get out there and make an effort to move on one way or another. it's better than mulling over hurt feelings.

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PERVasive
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quote:
Two months ain't "time," you're going to need longer.

It took me over a year to get over my first big love, and she never even gave me the chance to go out with her. In the meantime I've had three crushes and one girlfriend. Don't expect this to happen quickly or easily!

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NobodySaidItWasEasy
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It's just SUCH a long-winded thing for me. I was in love with him for FIVE YEARS before I got to go out with him, then we were together for such a short time and now I just can't get over him. I feel cheated of something that was rightfully mine after so much waiting around. I did everything right, and now I feel that I have been wronged.
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LilBlueSmurf
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You CAN get over him, and you WILL get over him. But it's going to take time. You need to stay positive.

To be blunt ... This relationship was never rightfully yours. Yes, it sucks now that it's over, but i don't really believe you've been 'wronged'. Saying that says that he did this to you on purpose to hurt you, and you've never said that this was the case.

... But i'm sure you know all of that already. Just thought i'd point it out.

So take it easy, okay? It's really still been a pretty short period of time. Try to busy yourself with things that don't involve him, or thinking about him.


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NobodySaidItWasEasy
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I do soooo many other things though. I am the busiest person I know. I am top of my year at college. I have a great academic and social life. I read loads and I have great friends who try to help me. But I still can't get to sleep without thinking of him or look at another couple and not be jealous.
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dailicious
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Hon? I'm not sayign this to be rude at all, but why are you continuing this tpic like this?

I understand you're hurt, but you have to realize: there is nothing else we can tell you that will make it any better. Everything that has been said to you already is all anyone can really offer. There is no easy answer to this, and all you really CAN do is struggle along with the heartache until it passes, until you meet new people, until you let it go and get on with your life.

I wish there was a way to help you get over him, but other than your own mind, there isn't. Stay busy, think positivly, if you find yourself missing him just remind yourself you are your own person and you can live without him.

Really, though, replying time after time with , "Yeah, BUT" isn't doing anything productive. There are no exceptions, this is how things are, and you need to understand that while it may hurt, you need to follow the advice that's already been given to you and let go.


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zeta
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I think I understand what you're saying. It sucks when everyone tells you to let go and move on, and you're doing everything right (studying and having a life) and yet cannot. It makes you want to insist and repeat -"but I hurt, damnit!!"

Been there, done that. What I found helpful was not to try to move on so much. Take care of yourself and your personal growth, yes, but give yourself permission to grieve. Don't feel like you've failed at this letting-go -project when you wake up another morning and can still only think of him. Don't listen to ppl who say you should not be sad. You have right to your emotions, and you can't "fail" at them.

You will hear a lot of "you're so young, it's not that important". But if it's a life-changing experience to you, it is important. Something important happened to you. You experienced love, you grew some. You can treasure that. And would you want to forget something that mattered so much?

My favorite advice from somewhere was "you don't get over, you only get on". Sadness and heartbreak aren't inherently bad, they're part of being a proper human. But life does continue, so live it -it is not necessary to first forget. You might never forget. But you will learn to live with it. You might write a sad poem about it ten years from now and become a famous writer.

Read Tennyson -he wrote, in "In Memoriam": it is better to have loved and lost/ than never to have loved at all".


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NobodySaidItWasEasy
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Thank you, Zeta. You're the only one who's really got where I'm coming from.

you sound like a perfect friend! People who know you must be lucky to have you.


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zeta
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I dunno if you're reading this thread any more but it cheered up my day much that I could be of any use =).

I went through some serious sadness in similar situation, and wrote plenty of songs about it. I still think of it (much as everyone told me that I would forget); of course I do, since my band with said songs is doing pretty well. And while some think me overtly dramatic, I still feel that sorrow is not to get over, it's to grow with. All of our emotions are a part of us, not something to be banished like the plague...


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NobodySaidItWasEasy
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Hey Zeta,

Thanks. I love you.

[This message has been edited by NobodySaidItWasEasy (edited 12-10-2005).]


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