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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » The Art of Argument

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Author Topic: The Art of Argument
Sedi Tlugvi
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I've noticed something about myself and my boyfriend during the past year we've been dating one another. That is, in the way we carry out an arguement.

I like the talk things out the minute an arguement begins to arise. I want to analyze what's going on and work things out right then and there. My boyfriend, however, is the complete opposite. When we start to fight, he simply walks away and refuses to talk. After some time he'll be okay enough to discuss things. Thus, this is my problem.

I don't know if he's simply having a bad and moody day or if he's angry because my mum won't allow me to go to an amusement park 2 hours away with him and some friends on the final day of school. Maybe it's both. Either way, he's pissed at me now. He just, moments ago, dropped something off at my house and, when I gave him the news, he stormed off back to his car. I, of course, chased after him, hoping to reconcile things before he left in a huff. When he wouldn't talk to me, I stormed inside.

When we're fighting and he leaves without speaking about matters, I find myself antsy and wanting nothing but to talk things out. I know I should wait, but it's so hard to sit around and do nothing while I know he's pissed at me. Usually this causes even more anger on his part, because I seldom am able to stop from trying to contact him at least once post arguement. I just sent him an email explaining that I'm sorry he's having a bad day, how he shouldn't be pissed about the trip because it doesn't mean he can't go, and that I hope he's feeling better.

My question is, how do I stop this feeling or what can I do about it?

Edited to update:

Yea, well, I wait a day to call him and see if things were okay. I didn't know what to say and he basically yelled at me for calling and not having anything to say. Blerg. I feel bad for pestering him, although my mum says I shouldn't because it's his responsability to tell me he needs his 'alone time,' not yell at me when I attempt to cheer him up. What are your thoughts? o__O


[This message has been edited by Rally (edited 05-28-2005).]

[This message has been edited by Rally (edited 05-30-2005).]


Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thetimehascome
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That sounds like my boyfriend & I. He analyzes while I walk away. He's probably walking away for the better. It's not something you should really worry about I don't think.
Posts: 22 | From: PA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sedi Tlugvi
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Yea, I just can't help but want to talk things through and get everything on the table right then and there. lol. And he won't even tell me if I've done something to piss him off or if he's just having a really shitty weekend. Either way he's being a complete jerk. The way I see it is, if he doesn't want to talk to me, he should just say so. He has no right to yell at me about his problems. Hell, I'm done even trying to cheer him up anymore. It just wind up that he freaks out on me. I just hate it when he's upset or pissed; I hate feeling helpless to make him feel better. Blerg. >___<
Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DerHatten
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this sounds extremely similar to my relationship-- i've grown used to it at this point. i always try to apologize and i like talking things out, and she doesn't as much. it's something to get used to, and i know that when she's upset that she just needs to think it through or let it mellow out. if it's a really big issue that threatens a relationship, which has happened maybe twice, she definitely lets me know about it-- but when it's something small that just pissed her off in the moment, she walks off and cools down. different coping mechanisms for different people.
Posts: 6 | From: Keene, NH, USA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CEC523
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It's not my boyfriend who walks away in an argument, but my sister. Maybe he wants to avoid saying something he'll regret. Some people just need some time to cool down and even though it's FRUSTRATING, they're never going to change. Does he at least come back and address the problem later or does he try to completely ignore it?

------------------
"Talking about music is like talking about sex. Can you describe it?"
-Bruce Springsteen


Posts: 124 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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