Now I did a search on this and was only able to find the females talking about male baggage. You *Know* Who's situation, is pretty similar to my situation. Bare with the grammar. This girl i work with, flirted with me and noticed that I didn't flirt with her back because she has a boyfriend. She's 19 and he's 32. Anyways, well he's about to go to jail for beating on her(poking her hard in the face) and throwing her around the room.
Once he goes to jail, they'll be broken up, but I feel that once he does get out, he's going to try to get her back, thus, drama will ensue and somehow I'll end up being involved. To add, it seems that one of my managers wants to get with her and apparently, while talking to me and wanting me to step up, it seems as if she's also hitting on my manager, or it could very well be him lying and trying to make himself look good. I like her, she's cool and all, but at the sametime, she smokes cigarettes, does Zanix and I guess other drugs, I wouldn't know. Her broher just got out of jail. Overall, she's the comeplete opposite of what i would go for. But it's like, I haven't been in a relationship for 9, about to be 10yrs.
And I feel that if I end up rejecting her, then i may end up not dating for another 5 or so years. As for goals, from what she told me, she's going to be going to school, to get a degree in a field that deals with the hospital, so that's a postivie thing. As for me, once I get done with school(3 class left, college) i'm going into the Air Force, but atleast she has some kind of direction of what she wants to do in the future.
Although it may seem that I've answered my own question, it's just the fact of being alone for a long time. now that I have the chance of being in a relationship....this one(her) will definently come with some major baggage. Not only that, she's white and I'm black, and not many parents are too keen on their daughters dating a black guy. especially, since she lives in a trailer, and is definently country(accent, dad owns a harley). Me, I really don't care about color or race. Sorry if this wasn't really clear, but what would you say?
Okay, hold on a minute. You did sort of answer your own question here. You have mentioned warning signs and I think you need to heed them. You're worried about being involved if he abusive boyfriend (or soon to be ex) comes back into the picture- not good. Drugs- most definitely not good, especially if she's takign Xanax (Zanix, I know it as Xanax, same drug, other name), I have a friend who was hooked on taking Xanax and it is not a pretty drug at all. It's very illegal, and it can be scary.
You said you have goals for yourself- is getting involved with a woman who could potentially cause problems for you one of those goals? To me it sounds more like it could hurt some of those goals.
You say you're worried about not being able to date, then go out! Make time to meet new people, even if you can only get out one night a week or so, give yourself the chance to meet girls who do fit the type you're looking for and who won't come with this sort of serious baggage. The only one stopping yourself from dating for possibly the next five years is you, and trying to remedy that by begining a relationship with her when you know what sort of things will come with dating her... that's only setting yourself up for a lot more problems down the road, not only with this girl and what she's got going on, but also with yourself- how will you view this relationship knowing you got into it with one of your main arguments for it being you didn't want to not be able to be in a relationship for the next few years, that's not at all a good reason in my eyes.
You'd be surprised where you can meet people, chance meetings happen all the time, so don't be so sure you're going to be so empty in the dating field in years to come.
And it's really up to you in the end, you need to weigh out the god and the bad yourself... but in my opinion, starting a relationship with her would be stupid.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.