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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Clueless boyfriend, or a real issue?

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Author Topic: Clueless boyfriend, or a real issue?
Pooky
Activist
Member # 20410

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Hey guys, Im having an issue with my boyfriend. We've been dating about three months, and it seems like the past few weeks have been a time of horrible friction between us. Lately I've realized how unusually little time we've spent together, and so about two weeks ago I told him about how it bothered me (I like to be really open with how I feel). Since November, I've only seen him alone TWICE! He promised me it'd get better, yet I invited him over and he went to be with friends instead last week. So this week he promised me it'd change (again...) and again I'm let down this weekend! He tells me he wants to see me, and he says he misses me, yet he never actually makes plans to see me. Tonight was the third time I've brought up how much that offends me and hurts my feelings, and he totally freaks out and explodes. Am I wrong to feel insulted?
I feel like his anger is unjustified, because nothing about this situation changes. My father told me "Fights happen. Only you can decide if its worth fighting about." I told my boyfriend not to tell me he misses/wants to see me, if they're only empty words, but he insists they are not. Only I always make an effort to see him, and it feels like he expects me to wait around for some last minute clue that I might have the smallest chance to see him. I feel guilty even telling him its still a problem, because of the way he acts when I talk to him about it. Why should he be mad, when I'm only trying to share how this affects me?
I dont know what to do, its been an issue for a little while now, and nothing has changed. I feel like if he doesnt make the time to see me, is he just confused, or is it time to close this show. Any advice would be sooo appreciated. Also, how do I go about handling this situation now? I HAVE tried talking to him, but everything seems all wrong, he doesnt seem to listen. Help! and thanks!

Posts: 48 | From: PA, USA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
King
Neophyte
Member # 21722

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well I MIGHT BE WRONG but, my advice isnt realy the best!
you have every right to be mad at him and insulted by his actions and broken promises!...
get him alone for a minute and tell him( IN AN ANGRY VOICE to show him whos boss) NOT to get angry and that if he is getting angry because you are telling him he is braking HIS promises, then he is acting like a F*&$%#@ child!!and he needs to grow up, tell him you love him and miss him and it brakes you'r heart every time he brakes a promise to see you. (cuz i kindda get that impression from ur post). and if he gets mad just dont talk to him until he calms down, just leave the room and say that. and besides you sure as hell dont deserve this treatment and he cant keep blowing you off. you are a human being that needs love and nuratment, and nothing less. ... i hope i helped .

and i hope ur boyfriend is as understanding as you and me...


Posts: 34 | From: Hamilton | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
my_chemical_romance_91
Neophyte
Member # 22245

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well that seems like a guy that is an *** to u and dump him i know i am harsh and well if a man is gonna treat u like that then he isnt worth it! and u may feel any way u would like you have gave him 3 chances and in the ball park 3 strickes and ur out! and in my quto lose the jack *** and find ur self a real man mmk!!!

No need to quote the entire post. Please use the "reply" buttons in the future. -ook

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 03-03-2005).]


Posts: 8 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pooky
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Member # 20410

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hey, thanks for the advice! I talked to him again about it today, and he just gave me something about how "he shouldnt be expected to drop everything to see me" but then apologized a million times over for treating me like that. All and all, we made absolutely *no* progress. I dont want to just badger him about it over and over, but every time i talk to him about it nothing changes.
Posts: 48 | From: PA, USA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ibdaemoone
Neophyte
Member # 21220

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i just got out of a 2 year relationship in much of the same condition- we live less than a mile away from eachother, and we used to go to the gym together 3x a week, do stuff after school, have lunch together... and then it started to ebb a little, and for the last 6 months or so of our relationship, we did not see eachother out side of school more than once. we used to have this incredible sex and see eachother all the time, but then it started to fade as we each grew into more responsability.. my advice is not to waste your time with a guy who won't waste his time with you. he shouldn't have to drop activities with his friends to hang out with you unless he has absolutely no time to himself. my ex and i are still friends now that we decided to call it quits, and now i don't feel like i'm being blown off every time he tells me he wants to see me over the weekend and ends up somewhere else instead. it's very liberating!!
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moojjj
Neophyte
Member # 22266

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If he is unwilling to make time for you, then I think you should consider if you should give him any time. If you really want this relationship to work, you could write everything to him in a letter. That way he can't interrupt you or shout at you before you have finished making your point, and it can't elevate into an arguement, like face to face or over the phone.
I hope this advice helps you . I can't guarantee that it will work, but it is what I would probably do.

Posts: 1 | From: Angus, Scotland | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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