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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Nobody for me

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Author Topic: Nobody for me
Anon1790
Neophyte
Member # 21989

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Hi. I'm new. ^^ This seemed like the best place to post what's bothering me.

My school is extraordinarily small (no senior year yet, about 160 people), and there is a severe dearth of 'eligible' people. Anyone I would date is either already a friend, already taken, or their status is so ambiguous (sp?) it'd be a waste of time and embarassing to pursue.

I'm none too good at socializing, but I try to get out some, and I try to meet people, but so far: zilch.

So I guess my main problem is that I'm lonely. Sure, I have my friends, but it's not the same. To keep this post to a decent length: I want a boyfriend, not a boytoy. I know I've never needed a boyfriend to complete who I am and such stuff, but I'm sick of being lonely.

I'm not even sure what my exact question is, just a general cry for help - what should I do? *insert general cry for help here*

Thanks. =)

[This message has been edited by Anon1790 (edited 02-12-2005).]


Posts: 3 | From: Los Angeles, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TreeKiller
Neophyte
Member # 19647

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Ah well looks like you ain`t alone in this whole "cry for help" thing...let me just break it down for ya:
I`m in my local art school(i`m in architecture)bare in mind my town has about 7/8 high schools
My town has a population of roughly 200000
I`ve been lonely for basicly as long as i can remember just a few things here and there but nothin seroius(the last serious thing i was goin for was a bad soap with cheating and other garbage involved...you can imagine it`s great for my morale...aw well
Finding anybody that would fit my criteria is just like the proverbial needle.I`m not looking for the super-hot body and true love things(even if that would rule :P)but someone that wants something more then the weekend and that acutaly has an IQ
Sure i`ve got my friends too but as you said they just ain`t gona do

P.S. i`m not lookin for a "weekend relationship" but something somewhat lasting and honest(i must be mad...asking the imposible of my town)


Posts: 23 | From: Quebec | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
coolestdesignz
Activist
Member # 18028

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I suggest that you meet more people. You'll find someone right for you.
Posts: 203 | From: Laguna Niguel, CA, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

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Well chances are if the school has 160 kids, the town is pretty small too.

Which can make meeting people harder than it may seem.

Have you ever thought about things like penpals, or visiting a larger town near you? I've made some great longlasting friends through penpals, and even though my town is pretty small as well, we are near enough to a larger town that I can pretty easily visit cafes, etc where a lot of people congregate.


Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
coolestdesignz
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Is there anything wrong with dating a person who happens to be a friend? You do state that either they aren't for you, or they are a friend. How could you expect to have a deeper relationship with someone, if you can't even be friends with them?
Posts: 203 | From: Laguna Niguel, CA, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Anon1790
Neophyte
Member # 21989

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Oh, I'm sorry I didn't elaborate. I live in a huge suburb of Los Angeles - not small in the least. That's part of what makes this so frustrating. The reason our school is so small is that we JUST started. We don't even have a senior year yet. Although, we're one of the fastest growing schools in the country: first year, 40 students. Second year, 100 students. This year, 160 students. Next year we'll be 250. Woo!

Most of my guy friends happen to be of the sort that if they were a boyfriend, they wouldn't last three minutes without being smacked upside the head. For example, one is very quiet, one a diehard Conservative, one tends to be mean; all traits I don't like. Sorry 'bout that too. Heh.

There don't seem to be many places in my area where teens can go. There's the bowling alley, a multitude of restaurants...and that's it, besides the requisite Starbucks and such. Maybe I'll just conquer my dislike of malls and go there. Thanks, I needed the encouragement. ^^


Posts: 3 | From: Los Angeles, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pooky
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Member # 20410

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I live in a suburb of even the closest town, and it kinda stinks. But one of my "quiet" guy friends turned out to be the complete opposite when you got to know him better. I guess if you look at things in a different light, you can see the potential even friendships can have.

Posts: 48 | From: PA, USA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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My graduating (inner-city) high school class had 22 of us. I went to a college of 40 students. So, I remember how this can go sometimes.

But rather than hanging out at malls, how about instead meeting people in an environment where you have common interests, and where you can so something besides cruise or spend money?

For instance, you can take a volunteer job in an area of your interest. Or take an extra class at a local college (high school students can often audit) or community center.

Bear in mind though that often, "shopping" for a partner can backfire. When someone feels someone else's lonliness, need or desperation, it often acts pretty much as a repellant, not an attractant. Like it or not, a whole lot of the time these things simply happen when we're least expecting them.


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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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I remember going through the same sort of thing when I was in high school (not THAT long ago, either). There were about 21 other people in my grade. Once we got past junior high, there was only one couple in our class (incidentally, they're married now) and a couple of folks who dated people in other classes (who are married now as well). Most of us didn't date inside the class/school for one simple reason...fights got messy. Seriously, when the environment is that small, almost nothing is private. Everybody knows everybody else's business. So when couples would fight (back in junior high before we learned it was a bad idea), everybody would take a side. Additionally, you just couldn't get away from the other person. You had all the same classes, so you were right there all the time. We learned really quickly that it caused alot of problems if you tried to date in that environment and things didn't work out (which, as with most high school relationships, they often did not).

That said, the relationships that did come out of that were very close relationships. People were friends first and got to know each other very well. So it's possible to have relationships in that situation, you just have to communicate well and realize what the complications and implications of your actions are.

So a great many of us in my class were lonely. I didn't date in high school at all (nor did most of my peers). It was just too much trouble and too much stress to deal with. There were a million other things that we would rather spend our time and energy on. And yes, sometimes it was a bit lonely. But that was something you learned to deal with -- usually by spending time with friends and doing other worthwhile things. It's ok to want a relationship (heck, I spent alot of high school desperately wanting a relationship), but Miz Scarlet is right, if you go out "partner shopping" armed with lonliness, you may get more than you bargined for.

I would also agree with Miz Scarlet's suggestion about looking for friends/love interests in places other than malls and the like. It's alot easier to strike up conversation when you already have some common ground. So try volunteering or taking a class (in anything!). If you like pottery or animals or music or art, go to the places where you will find people with similar interests and see what comes of it.

------------------
Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert (and Labia Lady)


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smileygrl
Neophyte
Member # 21720

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I honestly have to agree- shopping for a partner is one of the worst things you can do. I find that when you're looking so intently for something (or someone), that is the last thing that will happen.

I didn't date at all in high school, for whatever reason. Either the guy I liked didn't like me at the same time, or there just wasn't time, or what have you. Of course I was lonely, but I had my friends. When I got to college last year, I started looking for a relationship (which of course, didn't work). But I did meet a guy who quickly became my best friend. When I finally stopped looking for a boyfriend, I found one.

To be perfectly honest, sometimes you just have to sit back and have fun. Get out to clubs or volunteer organizations. Go out with friends and meet new people. Because when you're just having fun and being yourself, having a relationship just doesn't seem like such a high priority. Just sit back and enjoy your life- you'll find someone when the time is right.

~Sarah


Posts: 29 | From: NY and Boston | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
N
Neophyte
Member # 20990

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Why are you excluding all your friends from consideration?...

My rule was that I would *only* date a friend!


Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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