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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » depression advice please ASAP!!!

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Author Topic: depression advice please ASAP!!!
Member # 21286

Icon 4 posted      Profile for venterelady     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
alright I have a boyfriend and he is the best... only thing is he gets depressed so easy over his past... I wouldnt like to say details but things that happened they were pretty horrible. what Im asking for is some advice or some help, how to talk to him and help him forget the past. to him he cant forgive himself for anything, he sees himself as the most horrible humanbeing, which is not true. are there any ways that you guys can help me, for him not to push me away when he is depressed, upset, mad, etc. any advice or help will do, im just confused on what to do because this is my first serious relationship. thank you all.
Posts: 34 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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It sounds like your boyfriend could benefit from seeing a counselor. A professional can help him deal with whatever may have happened and help him accept himself.

I'd like to point out that you are not a professional and can't offer the kind of help that someone with the proper training can. I understand that you care about him and want to help him but the best thing you can do is support him and encourage him to find outside sources of help.

I'm going to move this to Relationships so you can get some more imput.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9745

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Hey there. Just thought you might like to hear from someone who's been there themself.

I've suffered from environmentally-caused depression my whole life. Depression can take on one of two main forms: Some people have a chemical inbalance in their brain, while others have unsually unfortunate and difficult life siuations. The latter, I refer to as environmentally-caused, and it sounds like your boyfriend has this as I do.

The best thing I've ever done for myself is see a therapist. Mind you, I had many horrible experiences with therapists in my younger life. But I am incredibly fortunate to have someone I can go to every week and spill my guts. She cares. She listens. She understands. And she helps me. She is like the mother I have never and will never have. She has made me realize that it is actually possible for people to care about me. And I've come so far. See, I began fighting my depression on my own terms because it is NOT something I want for myself, but you can only get so much accomplished that way if you've lived in negativity your whole life. Negative environments and events transfer to negative thoghut processes and attitude, so it stays with you. Sometimes you need a little assistance to sort through things and pull yourself from the dark and lonely place you've been residing.

That said, perhaps you can gently recommend to your guy that he see a therapist? Or, more specifically, what I see is a certified social worker. Anyways, it sounds like he has a lot he may be longing to get off his chest so he can live without that dark, sinking feeling always clawing at his neck. Therapists are best to open up to because as far as your relationship is concerned with them, their sole responsibility is to help you. You are this guy's girlfriend. You may or may not be a temporary instillment in his life. You can help by lending your support, but don't get dragged down yourself in the process. I've made that mistake before- by giving someone too much sympathy I became depressed . But my point is that he may need someone for the sole purpose of talking to and getting help overcoming his melancholy state.

Also, people sometimes need encouragement to just open up, and some people find therapists great for this purpose.

It is very sweet of you to be concerned with his feelings and how your actions may or may not affect them. My best advice is to recommend therapy to him- you can plant the idea in his head, he will have to make whatever choices he believes will be best for himself. If he ever becomes really quiet and you can tell he's depressed, you might want to encourage him to talk instead of keep anything inside. If he changes the subject, this probably isn't a good sign. Avoidance of pain does not lead to gain! Oh god, I just rhymed. Well I wish the best to you both- I'm concerned about your boyfriend and my heart goes out to him! I also know how hard it can be to be exposed to someone who is suffering, and that isn't easy either. Take care.

"It's something
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"

Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21368

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my best friend has a very deep depression and has for years. i found that the best thing that i can do for her, it be there for her. i am there when ever she needs to talk, cry (although in the past year she has only cryed once for herself), or just when she needs someone by her side. because i am not a professional i find it is the bast thing that i can do. so just be there for him, it really means a lot to people when you are there.
Posts: 60 | From: NY | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Broken Hope
Member # 21571

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I too suffer from depression. It takes a lot of time to get over a horriable past. You just can't forget about it. I was molested twice by two different people. One occasion happened for a year and a half and the other was a one time thing. Just don't continuly push him and tell him "Oh that was in the past forget about it and get on with life." or something along those lines. It's not that easy. It has taken me 10 years to be around people again after all that has happened but I still am not over it. I suggest bringing up a theripst while he is in a happy mood. Just touch on the subject lightly and don't say, "You need to see a theripist right away." Don't poke at him to open up when he is in one of his moods it will only make it worse, well at least that is how it is for me. Good luck and I hoped this helped a little.
Posts: 3 | From: Indiana | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21722

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Well i think that u 2 should sit down n tell him to talk about it and find a solution to make his bad feelings go away, and maybe u can consantly re- asure him that he does not need to feel that way.

i hope i helped u...

Posts: 34 | From: Hamilton | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21781

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hey i know how u feel get this my bf is the best i would do anything but a couple of days ago we had an arguement and everything like couples do and he threatend to kill himslef coz i stormed out. now 2 years ago my best friend committed suicide and i was so angry for not to tell me what was up now i dnt wnt that happening to my boyfriend we have been togever for 16 months i know bloody long time but hey i luv him lol and i wuld do anything for him

from playbunnys sister

Posts: 30 | From: england | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21286

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thanks guys for all the advice you guys have given me.. i appreciate it, now my big fear is for him leaving for college I just cant get over that! college is forever, relationships arnt its hard to find a companion in todays society! well thanks again!
Posts: 34 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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