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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Issues, issues....

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Author Topic: Issues, issues....
Member # 9745

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I just really need some support/ advice right now.
I'm so depressed. One major contributor is my situation regarding my boyfriend. He treats me very well, though he is incredibly clingy, or as my therapist says "needy". Before he and I were "official", we hung out a lot with another guy. The three of us were best friends, laid back, having fun.... Small problem though, they're both crazy over me. So, as I've found out, the one I'm just close friends with- we'll call him Dustin- was going to ask me out last friday. He approached my now-boyfriend- "Jake"- about it, asking him if it was alright with him, and Jake said it was a good idea. However, Jake asked me out on tuesday. Dustin is/was heartbroken, and rightfully so. I hate to see him hurt like this, and it's killing me. I'm very close to both guys. Jake wrote me a long note, spilling his heart to me. He cares about me very much, and the feelings are returned. Today I saw that he had even cut himself on the inre wrist, really badly, because he was so upset and jealous. He admitted to his jealousy. I'm just caught in a hard position right now. I feel like I should break up with Jake so I don't hurt Dustin anymore, and thigns can be like they were when we were just three best friends hanging out. It's only been 10 days since Jake and I started going out... I'm so scared because he is OBSESSED with me and I know that by doing this I'm going to hurt him too. However, he is almost giving me reason to break up because he is unbelievably clingy. I understand that he cares very much about me, but I find it strange how he just ditched any friends he had to be by my side 24/7. And, like, there isn't a moment in school when he's not RIGHT THERE- I have to go into a bathroom stall sometimes just to get some breathing space. Things are getting complicated with him. I know I need to do this, but I don't want to hurt him. He never lets me do my work in school, when I insist that I NEED to get it done, he just distracts me in any way possible, believe me.
Nothing is going very well for me right now, I'm just very depressed and I feel like I need to get out of my own life. I actually was cutting myself again last night. But first things first, I need to figure out a way to feel strong enough to carry through with breaking up with him..... It's the right thing to do, I think....

"It's something
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"

Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Michelle Ravel
Member # 21100

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This sounds hard, but it doesn't seem like either guy is really mature enough to be in a relationship, does it?

Don't date this one fellow just because you're afraid of hurting him, or that he'll cut himself. That's something he has to deal with himself. You can help him by being his friend, but not by dating him out of pity.

Do what YOU want to do, not what you feel you should do.

Posts: 51 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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It sounds like you've decided what you want to do with Jake so hold yourself to it.

And remember Dustin is not your responsibility. It certainly doesn't sound like you intentionally hurt him and it's his responsibility -- not yours -- to deal with his feelings in a nondestructive way. It is completely unreasonable to start cutting yourself because the person you have a crush on is dating someone else.

Take care of yourself.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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