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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » mom problems

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Author Topic: mom problems
Member # 5706

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Ok... I usually want to sort things out by myself... but this time I cant see what I can do...
My mom neglected me a lot. For about 12 years. I'm 20 now. I love my mother, dearly. But she seems not to feel ANYTHING when it comes to me.
I spent at least 3 years with severe depression, which included anorexia, cutting and missing almost 2 years of school. She didnt notice it nor she seemed to care. It was only when my friends started to put some pressure on it and they noticed I was looking like a corpse that she took me to a psychologist - who almost rushed me to a psychiatrist.
My mom has always commented on how she hated how I dressed, she hated my grades, she hated how I didnt go well in sports and how I 'wasted money on crap' - namely, my art.
I've tried to make her care. I've tried to make her feel anything. I've tried crying, I've tried fighting, I've tried to TALK to her like a good grown up should... and nothing.
Today we had a fight over something silly and I brought up the fact that I have no rights, but my sister does. Things got heated and I told her half of what i think. Again.
And she's just ignoring me now.
I dont want a pat on the head or anything like that... I just want to know what else I can do to make her feel something...
Thanks in advance

Posts: 106 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dustin's Girl
Member # 20357

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It sounds like you're in a really tough situation. It's hard when a relationship with someone you love, particularly a parent, isn't what you want it to be. Here are my thoughts:

For one, it sounds like your mom isn't very supportive, and I think it would be a good idea for you to find someone besides her that you can talk to and lean on when things get tough.

Secondly, it's very good that you have received professional treatment for your issues, however I would encourage you to pursue further counseling.

Third, please realize that what other people say about you may reflect more on them than you. Your mom may be trying to make herself feel better by tearing you down. This is not a good thing, and you shouldn't have to tolerate it.

Fourth, since you're 20, you have a little more ground to stand on than if you were a minor. I would suggest having one last calm sit-down discussion with your mother about her behavior and how it affects you. If that fails to at least begin to resolve the issues or produce a noticeable change in you mother's behavior you might consider ways to distance yourself from her abusive behavior. You can not control someone elses behavior but you can control how it affects you. Is moving out a possibility? Can you stand up for yourself when she starts to verbally degrade and devalue you? (i.e. - Mom, I know you may not appreciate my art, however it hurts me when you say mean things like that and use derogatory terms. Please stop now.)

Fifth, you simply cannot "make" someone else feel anything.

Hope that gives you a start on what is bound to be a long process of healing, rebuilding, and moving on

Posts: 7 | From: Eddy County, NM | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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